Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

An essay about the results of a survey of adults education-IELTS

SuYper 4 / 10  
Jan 19, 2011   #1
Hello everybody :)
I'm 17 and i'm newbie in this helpful website.
I am wondering if you could check my essay for me.
Many thanks to you.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart
shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people
think the costs of adult education should be shared.
Write a report for a university lecturer, describing the information shown below.
You should write at least 150 words.

The two charts show the reasons why people decide to study and how adults think about the cost of their education should be shared.
In terms of the first chart, as can be seen that the reasons in this chart are quite obvious. Interest in subject comes in the first place with the proportion of 40% compared to 38% of the second one - to gain qualification. But when it goes to the bottom group, the gap between the two group was increased further when the figures decrease to 12% of ability to changes jobs and 9% of meeting people. As regards, helpful for current jobs is a head of improving prospects of promotion and enjoying learning or studying by a narrow margin, 22% for the former and 20% for the two latters.

Turning to the second pie chart, it shows that how people think the cost in each course should be shared. 40% of them think adults should pay individual. The number of people comment that employers should pay is 35% comparison with tax payers which captured 25%.

Overall, two charts provide clearly the reasons that make people study and the thinking about the sharing cost of adult's education.
Words count : 200

OP SuYper 4 / 10  
Jan 21, 2011   #2
Can you help me ? I really confuse about the smooth of this essay
Thank you so much
Liliya 1 / 1  
Jan 23, 2011   #3
As far as I know when you write your introduction for IELTS task 1 you must avoid copying whole prases from the question. The examiner may not include these words in the final word count. I belive, you need to paraphrase you first statement. For example, instead of "reasons why people decide to study" you can say " motives to get education", also instead of " how adults think about the cost of their education" you can say " adults attitude towards cost sharing".

There is no overview, no description of main trends and the last sentence is repetition from the question.

Home / Writing Feedback / An essay about the results of a survey of adults education-IELTS