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Gre essay review Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievement


gurumonk 2 / 1  
Aug 28, 2013   #1
Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.

Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

The author's claim and reason of surest indicator is very much narrowed down. Development of any nation is achieved by development in welfare of the people, at the same time it is necessary that scientist and artists are encouraged. Alone technological development will not help nation to become a developed country, its important that ruler of the country take people of the nation seriously

China is one of the developing nations which has significantly developed its use of technology. Practically every electronic goods we buy are China made. Certainly, this success has to be attributed to its ruler and scientist who have made China so technologically developed. But what about the citizen of China? China might be well developed in technology but the citizen on China are under authoritarian rule. A good example of this would be the press who were controlled by the ruler which lead to protest against its own government. In this case, even if a nation is fully developed to become a great nation, welfare of the citizen is very important.

On the other hand, development and innovation in science and arts it necessary for any nation to grow. Scientist provide the nation with its defense system, raises the standard of living and largely contribute to development of the nation. Germany, post world war II was completely destroyed but today it is one of the most developed nation. This development would not have been possible without its Scientist and engineers. A nation is defined by it culture, artists promotes and preserves them. Various cultural event are preserved by artist in various forms of arts like painting, dance, singing. All these cultural heritage would have been lost if it were not for great artists.

Its unfair to say that surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievement of its rulers, artist or scientists as development of nation depends upon them. All the defense systems, technologies, cultural activities are for the nation's citizen. To make utopian nation it is necessary that people are happy and satisfied. Development alone won't help, citizens freedom and well being is important. I agree with the claim, people welfare should be governments first priority over individual achievements.

How do i make this essay look better. I also confused how to conclude essay, i waste most of my time in intro and conclusion.

Thank you
alice0209 12 / 18 12  
Aug 30, 2013   #2
The topic is asking you to write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based, but I don't see that you make your opinion clearly in the first paragraph.

I think you should improve your structure on your essay first, which is that you must leave space between paragraphs, otherwise your essay will seem to be very dense and not read-friendly.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Sep 18, 2013   #3
The author's claim and reason of surest indicator is very much narrowed down

...narrowed down to what? need to specify!

Alone technological development will not help nation to become a developed country

Technological development alone will not help a nation to be treated as a developed nation.

Practically every electronic goodsgood we buy are China made

Practically every electronic item we buy is made in China.


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