IELTS TASK2:Reward or punishment for a good behavior?

guys. I need your help again to assess my essay. Any fedbacks are much welcomed and I am writing for IELTS soon so it
would be great if you can judge it with a band score. thanks..

Task: Some people believe that Children behave better when they are rewarded for a good behavior, while some people argue that children behave better only after they got punished.

Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Use your real life experience.

One of the major challenges in building a family is raising your children to become virtuous individuals as they grow up. It has been argued that in terms of disciplining your children, which one has desirable results, reward or punishment? Both methodologies will be carefully examined in this essay.

No one can deny the effectiveness of punishment as a means of correcting juvenile issues. The act of depriving or revoking something precious to your child will make him think twice on being mischief again. But for the fact that it is usually associated with fear and pain, it is considered immoral and unjust. In worst cases it develops hatred in a child to his family. For example, back when I was young, I have this uncle who used to punish me for not doing the chores. Instead of teaching me a lesson, I end up disliking him until now. This illustrates how punishment could sometimes yield a negative result.

On the other hand, giving a reward for a good deed also brings good results. It reminds a child that proper behavior is always appreciated. As a result they tend to exert effort to do more good acts in order to receive more rewards. For instance, a few years ago when I was training my younger cousins to do the chores, I promised them a box of ice cream if all the tasks are completed. Their response was good as they are looking forward to have the ice cream I promised. On the following days after, they would do the chores even without me telling them. This shows how influential a reward can be in terms of teaching good values.

Following this look at both aspects I have discussed, I believe reward produces better results compared to punishment. The former normally brings a happier environment therefore is followed with a more positive outcome. In serious cases, punishment may be necessary but it is morally recommended to avoid this method while you can.

The pivotal way is to reinforce the good while discouraging the bad behaviors.

thanks nice insights..how much do you think this writing would make in the IELTS exam?

.... I prefer if you simplified this sentence a bit more.


In the worst case, it may develop hatred in a child towards his family.



Overall, this is a very impressive essay. You can surely write very well.

The words "punish" and "reward" appear far too often.

The same is true of the words "good" and "it."

Remove the words "you" and "your."

Hi dumi,

thanks for the compliment and advice,I will surely look into that..

Hi John,

You are absolutely correct. I can't believe I missed those.