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IELTS ESSAY: REWARD STUDENTS WHO SHOW THE BEST RESULTS OR THOSE WHO SHOW IMPROVEMENTS


Baoanh 1 / -  
Mar 28, 2018   #1
Task 2: Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvement. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

good progress at schools should be praised



It is true that some people argue schools should recompense students for their great attainments. While others consider it is more significant to reward children performing well in their progress. In my opinion, it would be better if schools appreciate students getting the highest scores.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why rewarding students who endeavor to study and make good improvements is essential. Firstly, when others recognize their efforts, children may want to study harder and achieve higher results. If their attempts are ignored, they may feel disappointed. As a result, they may easily give up their progress. Secondly, receiving awards also makes students happier, which allows them to have a good grasp of any lessons at school. For example, children with happiness are more energetic and enthusiastic, so they can pay more attention to teacher's lectures

On the other hand, I believe only toppers should be praised. Obviously, it will be not fair to toppers if students who getting lower results are also acclaimed. Children at the highest position always have to exert themselves to obtain the best results, so they are only persons deserving to be congratulated. Furthermore, they will reduce their motivation if they're not rewarded. Everyone, especially children, wants to be celebrated as succeeding. If not, it will lead to their depression.

In conclusion, both students who get the best scores and those who make good progress should be praised. However, it seems to me that only children showing the best performance should be rewarded by schools.
vhlinh96 2 / 2  
Mar 29, 2018   #2
Hi,

One criteria to get a higher band score is using linking words effortlessly so I suggest that you should use another ways to connect your ideas such as "it is also possible to say that" when you want to explain the second point.

Hope it works!

Cheers.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,552 3449  
Mar 31, 2018   #3
Bao, this essay will gain you a final score of 4 due to the tangential discussion that you provided in the essay. Based on the prompt requirements you are supposed to present the following information in the paragraphs:

1. An appropriate paraphrasing of the original prompt that does not immediately present your point of view as part of the thesis statement. \
2. The first point of view discussion based on general opinion, not a personal opinion.
3. A second point of view not based on a personal opinion either. It is a public reason that must be presented.
4. The personal point of view discuss that supports one of the 2 general viewpoints.
5. A concluding statement that summarizes the discussion points presented.

Make sure that you understand what the discussion instruction requires you to present before you write the essay. Otherwise, it affects the final score of your essay as a mistake in the presentation proves that you do not have adequate English comprehension skills to pass the test and functions as a student in a UK, Canada, or Austalia based school.


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