Please comment on my writing and give it a band score. Thanks!
Topic
Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others.
To what extent is this style of management effective?
Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard?
______
The motivation in work is concerned by various groups in today's business firms. There is no doubt that how to encourage the employee has both sides- negative effect and positive effect in economical senses and psychological senses to the worker as well as the manager. My essay will shed some light to this matter and provide some other alternative motivational methods.
First, it's irrefutable that material prizes play an important role to employee's impetus. Statistics have shown that no sooner was an equivalent recompense given to the one who deserve red than the overall performance of all employee increases significantly. In addition, psychologically speaking, by virtue of stimulating people with material incentives, company's staffs instaneously are released from life's worries, which cultivates company's progress. USK law firm is telling an example that were it not for the valuable annual award for the most excellent attorney, this firm would never achieve its current reputation in intellectual property field. To some extent, those material incentives represent the potential of one individual. Nevertheless, opponents believe that on account of mainly attending on those awards, employees are seen as the pragmatic people who trace after the short-term benefit and forget all about ethical principles like loyalty Economical spies are living examples of this statement. To illustrate, A number of companies have encountered the cases when company's staff sold boss's business secrets to their opponents.
Second, an alternative solution to this problem is to create the modern workplace environment and to establish projects concentrating on cementing relationship between members. By dint of the former solution, managers are somehow constructing a professional working practice, which strengthens company's productivity. For instance, prior to 2009, being suffered from the great financial depression, a vast number of international businesses faced the risk of bankruptcy. With working habit being destructed, the growth rate of companies was rising gradually until reaching its previous position. Furthermore, it's undeniable that no sooner do entertaining activities occur than the connection between employees and companies is tighten which enriches the humane resources result in business's development.
To summarize, it is no doubt that physical incentive partly fosters employee. However, with only money talks, hardly do company witness sustainable growths. Due to this, the combination of a variety of developing policies will acquire the aim of humane managing perfectly.
words counted - 385
The motivation in work is concerned by various groups in today's business firms.
Well... I find this statement lacks logic because everybody needs to be motivated irrespective of the type of task they handle. So, it is not specific to business firms. It's important to start with a strong sentence.
There is no doubt that how to encourage the employee has both sides- negative effect and positive effect in economical senses and psychological senses to the worker as well as the manager
Again you are going out of topic. Your prompt deals with ;
Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others.
To what extent is this style of management effective?
Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard____
So your prompt specifically talks about how cash incentives impact employees who are rewarded and not rewarded. Make sure you introduce your prompt to the reader in its real sense in the introductory para.
I'll practice more and hopefully, my essay will be improved
Yes... IELTS and TOEFL needs lots of practicing. By doing so, you can improve your vocabulary, grammar and everything about writing. Plus you'll be able to handle task allocated to this task more efficiently. IELTS and TOEFL test one's general skills in English writing, speaking and reading. They are certainly not very advanced English exams. So, your aim should be to deliver your ideas more clearly and effectively as per the framework suggested for these tasks. Avoid complicating your sentences with too many big words.
