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Are rich children always happier than those who come from poorer families?

learningtowrite 32 / 50  
Jul 9, 2008   #1

Can you help me check through my work? I am rather worried over the arguments, as some of them do not seem to follow the instructions of the question. Also, can you tell me if my thesis is not clear or anything is wrong, so that I can do some adjustment?

Please help me with this, I need it urgently. Thanks in advance!

When I was in primary school, I always looked at a classmate named Jesslynn with pure admiration. Her stationeries drew gaze of jealousy from all our classmates; she had her own car driver instead of travelling by school bus; her beautiful outfits outshone us all. Everybody called her "Princess", and we thought that princesses are supposedly the happiest people in the world.

'Princess' Jesslynn belongs to a group of privileged children, who were fortunately born in richer families. Their high standard of living allows them to enjoy a more comfortable life than many who come from poorer families. The richer girls may take dance, choral and art class for granted, but they have no idea that those less fortunate could only peek through the windows of the classrooms, eyes burning with admiration. The boys who are always the first to have the newest cars from 'Toys R Us' may not be able to imagine playing with paper boats like his peers from the neighbourhood usually do. The group of richer children enjoy every comfort in their life since their young age; everybody think that they are utterly happy and fortunate.

However, throughout my years at school, I have learnt that, it takes the modern 'princes' and 'princesses' a long and winding road to become the happiest people in the world. School life can be a pain for these children. At a young age, they are already put in the spotlight at the centre of the school, because of their expensive belongings or their behaviour. How could I ever forget, our discovery of Jesslynn not knowing how to mop the floor created a buzz among our classmates. The imaginative mind of young children is apt to create stories; and these stories about how Jesslynn was indulged by her parents, how spoilt she was and so forth started to float around. Poor Jesslynn could do nothing but sit alone during school breaks. Being stereotyped and rumoured is not so easy to face, especially at such a young age. The spotlight that one's background unintentionally creates can form a distinct line between the rich and the poor kids, isolating them further apart.

I remembered, once, Jesslynn asked me: "What is it about ice-cream that you all love it so much?" Her questions left me at a loss for words. How could I possibly describe to her the heavenly taste of an ice-cream, when its coolness makes your tongue go numb for a second and drives you to take another bite the next second? I had always thought that the attraction of ice-cream was a universal truth; but I was wrong, at least not for Jesslynn. Only until now do I truly realise what she meant when she asked me that question. The richer children like Jesslynn already have too much; everything a child can possibly crave is in abundance around them, so they rarely have a burning desire for something. Perhaps that is why they never crave ice-cream, the delicacy that poorer kids like us only occasionally have as a treat for our good marks. That is also probably why they could never fathom the sadness of losing a balloon when they let it fly away, the feeling so strong that it could drive the poorer kids to tears. To crave over something you rarely have, or to weep over losing something you love dearly, indeed, is the mundane happiness that a child should never miss. And for the rich children, their childhood would not be completely perfect without these moments.

Life is not a bed of roses; regardless of their background, every child would have his own world of happiness and sorrow. Sometimes, I shudder to realise that I hardly saw a smile on 'princess' Jesslynn's face; mostly she would look out to the bunch of us, from poorer families, running around excitedly and playing together. Perhaps, although being richer gave her a more comfortable life than us, it had no voice in making her happier.

EF_Team5 - / 1,613  
Jul 9, 2008   #2
A few mechanical errors; make sure you choose a tense and stay with it, you switch to and fro here and it is confusing. You are becoming a better writer each time I read a piece of yours. Keep up the hard work, it's paying off.
OP learningtowrite 32 / 50  
Jul 10, 2008   #3
thank you so much for helping me! and thanks for the comments, i'll try my best!

btw, I just want to ask you, is it okay if I choose present tense for this essay? I mean, I still use past tense during my flashback, but generally present tense should be better, isn't it?

On the whole, thanks for all your comments, I really appreciate it. I guess I can write quite okay when there is something I feel strongly about, but otherwise it could be a problem for me, and I'm still trying to figure out which genre fits me the best. Since you have read through some of my narratives and expositions, if possible could you tell me which type do you think I can write better? Just your general impression will do, because you have much more experience than I do.

Thanks again!
EF_Team5 - / 1,613  
Jul 10, 2008   #4
I think present tense would be very powerful here, especially with the flashbacks; keeping those in the past tense is very effective, and you do it very well. It pretty much depends on what is occurring in your essay and how comfortable you are with writing in a specific tense; there really isn't a "right" or "wrong" tense to use, you just use what works best.

Everyone writes better when it is something that they are passionate about or have first hand experience with-we are more descriptive because it's a very vivid subject.

Your essay about Vietnam was very powerful; again, it is something that you are familiar with and is important to you. You can speak more confidently and with conviction because you are sure of your topic and how you feel about it. It seems that the literary essays you have written in the past are a bit more challenging for you because you are not very familiar or comfortable with the piece you are asked to write about. The only way to get more comfortable with them is to read the pieces over and over again, and then search out what others have written about them; i.e. peer reviewed journals and/or critical essays; that can shine a light on other perspectives that you may not have seen on your own. There's nothing wrong with that, that's how we learn!
OP learningtowrite 32 / 50  
Jul 11, 2008   #5
You are right. Actually I have been wondering which genre will suit me the most for a long time, but I've written more narratives because they seem more easier to score, for my language skill is not really that good yet. Expositions must be more factual, which is rather hard at times because my general knowledge still has many holes :D So usually I'll choose the question depends on my feeling for it first. But to be able to master a certain genre of writing is very critical during exam times, and I am in that condition:D

Thanks for your advice! I'll try to practice more ( I've been slacking for quite a long time, so it's good time to start working :D)
EF_Team5 - / 1,613  
Jul 11, 2008   #6
You are very welcome. You will know if you can answer these questions by the "feel" of them; trust your instincts and go with what comes naturally! And remember, we're here when you need us!

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