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The rich are getting richer but the poor are getting poorer. What is the reason for this situation?


Mai Quoc Trung 1 / -  
Apr 30, 2018   #1
Can you mark this essay and give me some feedback?

The gap between the rich and the poor



Topic: The gap between the rich and the poor is getting wider. The rich are getting richer but the poor are getting poorer. What is the reason for this situation and what actions should be taken to fix it.

Answer:
In recent years, currency has become a broad issue to the general public. As society advances, there exists a bigger gap between the rich and the poor. Although noticeable, the impact of this issue has not been realized by many residents. Discussed below are several reasons as well as solutions to this phenomenon.

There are some main reasons for the fact that exists a gap between the rich and the poor. To begin with, globalization has affected the world economy. This means that some multi-nationals like McDonald, KFC, and Lotteria which have joined the trend, would earn much more income than others. Therefore, the poor would lag behind and the rich would earn more money. What is more, education is the second reason. This is because of the fact that rich people enjoy various levels of the taxonomy of thinking. They have good live conditions while the poor do not. For example, people live in many rural areas in Vietnam could not afford to go to school.

In order to solve such problems, people should take some certain solutions. One of the most primary solutions is that governments should create job opportunities for poor people and teach them how to survive financially. Furthermore, they should receive some scholarships for empowering their capacities. Admittedly, such solutions would not be implemented in the near future. Yet, they at least deserve our consideration.

In conclusion, the above-mentioned facts have outlined the reasons as well as the measures of this phenomenon. The given suggestions would be a good step towards solving them. Therefore, authorities should have further consideration on this issue.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
May 1, 2018   #2
Trung, I cannot mark this test because you did not indicate what kind of test you are taking. There are different kinds of scoring systems for each international English test. Mention the name of the test the next time you post an essay if you want to get a scoring guide for it. As for this particular essay, you have pretty much delivered a good discussion. However, you have a problem with the proper use of English vocabulary.

Do not use "big" words without knowing the real meaning behind the word because using the wrong word in a sentence not only leaves the sentence without a clear meaning, but it also makes your essay difficult to assess and understand as it is being read by the examiner. Your score in relation to vocabulary use in any of the English tests will be severely affected by your desire to impress by using complex English words in the wrong context. You did this twice.

You used the word "currency" when the actual word you should have been using was "financial status" or "financial ability". Currency refers to:

... money in any form when in actual use or circulation as a medium of exchange, especially circulating banknotes and coins. A more general definition is that a currency is a system of money (monetary units) in common use, especially in a nation.

Obviously, this is not what you meant as this is not what is referred to or implied in the original prompt.

Another mistaken work usage on your part was Taxonomy. Taxonomy, is defined as a scientific term that refers to:

... the science of defining groups of biological organisms on the basis of shared characteristics and giving names to those groups. Organisms are grouped together into taxa (singular: taxon) and these groups are given a taxonomic rank; groups of a given rank can be aggregated to form a super group of higher rank, thus creating a taxonomic hierarchy.

Since you are talking about human beings and not undiscovered organisms, you can see why using this term to describe people and their financial difficulties or difference would be out of place or simply, wrong. Instead you should have inferred that people enjoy various "Taxation" levels. Taxation meaning:

the levying or application of taxes among various income brackets.

Let me just say that you have the right idea for the discussion but you implemented a flawed discussion method due to poor vocabulary choices. Please be more careful next time and refer to a dictionary before using a certain word to make sure you will be using the term in the proper written setting. Do this while you are still in the practice test mode. You won't have a chance to improve your vocabulary or check for meaning during the actual test.


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