Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

IELTS Task 2: RICH NATION HELP POOR TO ESTABLISH HEALTH, EDUCATION AND TRADE AREAS


sabakhai 5 / 11  
Feb 13, 2014   #1
IMPROVEMENT IN HEALTH, EDUCATION AND TRADE ARE ESSENTIAL FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF POOR NATIONS. THEREFORE, THE GOVERNMENT OF THE RICH NATIONS SHOULD TAKE MORE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HELPING THE POORER NATIONS IN SUCH AREAS.

Health, education and trade are 3 pillars of development for any country. It is the primary requirement for any country to develop such areas and generally rich countries help poor countries int his process. Some people support such aid from rich countries while others do not. I agree with the opinion that developed countries should help under developed countries to build their future.

First, monetary help is good but it should be in certain limit. Otherwise, poor countries might become dependent on the rich. Such condition can hamper the growth of the poor nations. For example, Afghanistan is financially supported by US and UN. Due to which it always ask for more money instead of developing its own economy.

Second, health, education and trade are crucial sectors for any country. It is vital for any nation to develop these sectors to get rich. Thus, if rich countries help poor ones with trade and education, it will indirectly develop poor nations' economy. Furthermore, this growth will be inclusive and not just limited to some portion of the society.

In addition, creating more trade and education in poor countries will help rich countries in long run. Rich countries will get more business deals and more skilled people from poor nations which is helpful to improve their own economy.

In conclusion, health, education and trade are building blocks for the country. If poor nations can develop such areas with the help of rich countries, it will help establish financial equality and thus global harmony and peace. And I agree with this approach.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 13, 2014   #2
Health, education and trade are 3the three pillars of development for any country.
Don't use numbers in essay writing unless you need to mention an year.

Some people support such aid from rich countries while others do not.

This is a poor sentence in terms of explaining the background of the issue to your reader. You need to elaborate the essential features of the issue. This is too short and abrupt giving a half said effect :(
OP sabakhai 5 / 11  
Feb 13, 2014   #3
Thanks. I will take care of it next time.
Karlito 2 / 2  
Feb 13, 2014   #4
You shouldn't start paragraph with first, second, etc. You need learn introductory words such as To begin with, on the other hand and so on
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Feb 16, 2014   #5
it always askS

education and trade are crucial sectors for any country

some countries. When you use the negated verb(s) or a negative meaning such as decline or refuse, etc., any can be used.

some portion of

some portions or a portion of.

If poor nations can develop such areas with the help of rich countries, it will help establish financial equality and thus global harmony and peace.

The impersonal pronoun it can't be used here. You'd better use this which refers to ideas in the text.

poor nations which isare


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: RICH NATION HELP POOR TO ESTABLISH HEALTH, EDUCATION AND TRADE AREAS