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Right way to spend money


Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Nov 2, 2014   #1
Some people think governments should spend as much money as
possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the Moon and to
other planets). Other people disagree and think governments should
spend this money for our basic needs on Earth. Which of these two
opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support
your answer.

Although, some persons think that it is better to spend money on outer space. However, I have a strong belief that there is a plenty of issues on this blue planet that we need to firstly take care. Specifically, poverty and the supply of electricity. This essay will clarify all the reasons mentioned above.

Poverty has always been a leading issue in our world, since there is an abundance of underprivileged countries that require lots of supports from us. In fact, they do not have sufficient foods to consume, a proper education is not available for them. Obviously, how can we think about wasting money on outer space when those problems are still happening. Furthermore, when people are poor, they tend to do illegal things to survive such as poaching or hunting, cutting down numerous trees. As a result, our world is getting warmer and warmer each day. If we do not intend to solve this poverty issue, people will keep damaging our environment. Imagine ourselves , if we were underdeveloped and have offspring, clearly, we would have to do something about it. Hence, the only way to withstand this circumstance is by doing something illegally.

Moreover, another problem that we are suffering is electricity. Our world do not possess any permanent resource. In other words, it is limited. We have to solve this electricity issue as soon as possible. Since, electricity has played a pivotal role in our life. These days, it is almost impossible to live without electricity. To clarify, most of our technologies or utilities consume a definite amount of electricity. It can be a computer, a robot and many others.

The aforementioned reasons examine that there is tremendous unsolved things left in this world. Firstly , a large group of countries still need to be consolidated. Secondly, electricity is about to end on this planet. Indeed, I support the community, which consider that we must spend our money on basic needs first.
Charphil 5 / 27 10  
Nov 2, 2014   #2
Hi Shon Do,
I'm sorry to say this but if I were you, I would try to write the whole thing again, paying attention to sentence structure and grammar. Ask someone who know English a little better than you to help you with this. I understood that for you, the priority is to spend money on eradicating poverty and researching other energy sources, and that's great! However, you should work more on your essay. Try to make it sound more complex, justify your opinion! I tried to make some corrections. Hope this helps :)

Although, some persons(people) think that it is better to spend money on outer space ( this sentence is incomplete) . However, I have a strong belief that there is (are)a lot of issues on this blue planet that we need to first take care of . Specifically, poverty and the supply of electricity. This essay will clarify all the reasons mentioned above.

Poverty has always been a leading issue in our world, since there is an abundance of underprivileged countries that require lots of supports from us. In fact, they do not have sufficient foods to consume, nor access to proper education is not available for them . Obviously, how can we think about wasting money on outer space when those problems are still happeningconfusing try something like: "Obviously, spending money on researching the outerspaces misplace our priorities . Furthermore, when people are poor, they tend to do illegal things to survive such as poaching or hunting, cutting down numerous trees. You need a transition here. There is somethink lacking here because you don't properly connect the ideas of poverty and global warming As a result, our world is getting warmer and warmer each day. If we do not intend to solve this poverty issue, people will keep damaging our environment. Imagine ourselves , if we were underdeveloped and have offspring, clearly, we would have to do something about it.(confusing) Hence, the only way to withstand this circumstance is by doing something illegally.

Moreover, another problem that we are suffering is the management of electricity. Our world do not possess any permanent resource. In other words, it is limited. We have to solve this electricity issue as soon as possible. Since, electricity has played a pivotal role in our life. These days, it is almost impossible to live without electricity. To clarify, most of our technologies or utilities consume a definite amount of electricity. It can be a computer, a robot and many others.

The aforementioned reasons examine that there isare tremendous unsolved things left in this world. Firstly , a large group of countries still need to be consolidated. Secondly, electricity is about to end on this planet. Indeed, I support the community, which consider that we must spend our money on basic needs first.


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