During that time, it was assumed that the more people weighed the higher their ranking was in society.
Maybe change that sentence up or add to it. feel like the comma should be taken out or something added to make it more cohesive.
Well, have you been able to complete this task within 30 mins? Your essay looks pretty lengthy. Especially your intro seems to be very very long and I personally feel that you don't have to write such detailed intros. If you struggled with time, you better concentrate more on completing the task on time rather than lengthening your essay. This task has a major bearing on time.