A rise in price of petrol is the most effective method to tackle the growth of traffic congestion

Topic

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.

To what extend do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effecitive.

A rise in price of petrol is the most effective method to tackle the growth of traffic congestion and environmental pollution. For this statement, I firmly agree with the way of solution which is mentioned above. In addition, my essay is also included several effective ways to ease this issue.

Petrol is now playing an imperative role in our life, which is the main factor for running vehicles. However, private means of transport such as car, motorbike have a most harmful effect on traffic and environment. To this extend, this leads to my total agreement on increasing price of this liquid. When the cost is unaffordable, the utilization of private vehicles gradually decrease. In this case, public transport becomes a cheapest and most eco - friendly way to travel, which can decline a risk of traffic jam and emission of contaminating gas. Besides this method, I emotionally want to give a recommendation aimed at reducing traffic congestion and environmental pollution. Personally, I suggest that government should introduce a heavy punishment to the owners of unqualified public transport such as bus. Specifically, bus in my country, which is almost out of order but still be utilized, do damage more than ease the issue by emitting such a huge amount of unhealthy gas. Such replacement for these harmful transportations bring us not only a decrease in traffic jam but also a fresh environment.

On the other hand, "increasing price of petrol" method still has an intangible issue, which gradually do harm to the economy of country. High cost in petrol leads to a monetary rise of all merchandises, which makes them unaffordable for low income citizen. Lacking daily items because of the cost increase, people live in the poverty tends to commit crime for financing their life. It is a detrimental side of the proposed method. Equalizing the cost of goods is an effective way to make this method meet citizen's needs.

In conclusion, increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. However, the government should try to balance the cost of other goods, which allows low income people to live with this convenience.

Hello Quan
Nice start, if I may, just a few improvements here:
1) Task response: For this kind of essay, you may want to put the idea you support in the 2nd paragraph of the body to emphasize it. Otherwise, the examiner may think you have not answered the task or your argument is not strong enough. So in your case, I suggest the 1st paragraph is to discover other options and its effects and the 2nd I would confirm that increasing petrol oil is the best. Some of the argument in the 1st paragraph is not really related also (e.g.: Increasing price encourage the use of public transport (ok) BUT why do you also fine the public transport?). Remember the goal in the 1st paragraph here is to discuss the positive effect of oil price increase. Also, in the conclusion, your position is not clear that may cost you mark.

2) Lexical Resource: You showed quite an ability in diversifying your vocabulary but I think you could do more. For example, in the introduction, I can see an attempt was made to paraphase the question but it still looks a lot like it. You can practice to make it better.

3) Grammar: I see you use relative clause and complex structure, which is good. Try to acquire more collocations on this topic

4) Cohesion: A lot of linking device are use. So you gain mark for that.

Hope my comment helps!
Thank you

Gnyuen, for an extent essay, you do not need to discuss the opposing point of view. This exam wants to test how well you can defend a single point of view response based on your personal knowledge and experience. You did a very good job in the prompt paraphrase. However, your discussion is improperly formatted. There is a 5 sentence maximum response per paragraph. In this essay, you accidentally combined 2 paragraphs (2 discussion topics) into one paragraph. The point where you said " Personally, I suggest..." should be presented as a separate paragraph instead of a continuing discussion in the second paragraph. That is because you are already discussing a different topic there, which is the suggested solution to the pollution and traffic congestion problem.

You show a strong potential to get a more than average score in the Task 2 essay. You have solid ideas and clear presentations that do not really cause the reader any confusion while reading your response. Just remember my instructions above the next time you come across an extent essay. It will always be better for you to strongly discuss one position rather than using the comparative extent essay approach which indicates" I partially agree". That is the phrase that allows you discuss 2 opinions in the essay.

Unless you are already a proficient English writer, it is not advisable for you to write a 5 paragraph extent essay (partial agreement format). That is because it will be easier for you to think in English with a focus on only one opinion topic rather than 2 opinions. Remember, you are scored on the clarity of your explanation and not the length of the essay. 4 paragraphs that are clear in its content means you will score better than a 5 paragraph essay that does not fully explain a stand.