Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Rising level of congestion and air pollution Vs Usage of private cars


vahidia 1 / -  
Aug 2, 2013   #1
the rising level of congestion and air pollution found in most of the world cities can be attributed directly to the rapidly increasing number of private cars in use. In order to reverse this decline,attempt must be made to encourage people to use their cars less and public transport, more. Discuss possible ways to encourage the use of public transport. write at least 250 words.

In the new millennium, gridlock, leading to air pollution, has turned out to be a highly problematic issue. Consequently, people should be persuaded to use more mass-transit systems rather than their own cars, having the most significant role in producing air pollution and traffic jam. Arousing enthusiasm of people to use more public transportation can be ascertained provided that, on my reckoning, we take into account some measures, such as deterrent and persuasive measures.

Despite the fact that using personal cars has its allure for commuters, commuting in any direction and time, some persuasive measures can convince them to use more public transport instead. The governments, for instance, should allocate much money, as subsidy, to keep public transportation fare low; people, consequently, would have great incentive to not use private cars. What is more, large amounts of money should go on improving public transmits; making more bus stations and using faster trains would be effective, to illustration.

On the other hand, deterrent acts, sometimes, can have dramatic effects on people behavior; putting a heavy tax on personal cars, by way of illustration. Additionally, a rise on price of fuels can dissuade people from having their own cars. Moreover, the governments should devote more time to establish strict laws against commuters who use private vehicles; odd-even policy can be worthwhile, as an illustration.

To sum up, with respect to the preceding paragraphs it can be stated that the rate of using mass-transit systems can surge considerably provided that governments as well as people help to provide excellent conditions. From my stand point, persuasive measures can response better than deterrent one axiomatically.

--
Hi.
This is my first time, I think I would be improved by your tips.
Thanks...

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 15, 2013   #2
Include the purpose of your essay (e.g. IELTS, TOEFL, GRE etc.) so that others would provide you with more task related comments :)

Consequently, people should be persuaded to use more mass-transit systems rather than their own cars, having the most significant role in producing air pollution and traffic jam.

... it's better you first talk about how private cars contribute this issue in order to have a better link with your hook. Then tell what needs to be done as to reduce the usage of private cars.

Despite the fact that using personal cars has its allure for commuters, commuting in any direction and time, some persuasive measures can convince them to use more public transport instead.

You have good grammar and vocabulary. But your sentences tend to sound a bit complicated. Some simple ideas you present in a more complex way. I wish if you avoided that style. Clarity is more important because it helps you organize your flow well and grab the reader's attention.


Home / Writing Feedback / Rising level of congestion and air pollution Vs Usage of private cars