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The rising trend of reading in Barnaby, the most significant growth was shown in male readers.


kiki23 37 / 64 4  
Oct 30, 2016   #1
The line graph below presents the information about the number of books read by people based on gender over four-year period at Burnaby Public Library. Overall, even though the trend of both variables is rising, the most significant growth was shown in male readers.

According to the line graph, even though the increasing number is not identical, the number of books read by both gender was steadily increased during the first two years. At 2013, the amount of books read by women achieves the peak with as much as ten thousand books in total while also it intersects the number of books read by men. At 2014, it was experienced a sharply decreasing trend to 8000 books while the number of books read by the male had become 14000 books. The number of books read by female was steadily increased from 2011 to 2013 and decreased sharply for the next year while the number of books read by male was slowly increased from 2011 to 2012 and rose sharply for the next two years.

At more detail look at, the growth of the number of books read by female continued to increase and reach 9000 by the end of 2013 but it experienced a sharply decreasing trend and reached 7,000 by 2014. In contrast, the growth of the number of books read by male experienced a sharply increased trend since 2012.




abangabul93 15 / 27  
Oct 30, 2016   #2
Hello @kiki23, I got some suggestions for your writing:

... at Burnaby Public Library, (FROM 2011 to 2014).
... trend of both variables is rising (ROSE), the most significant ...

... the increasing number is (WAS) not identical, the number of books (...) was steadily increased during ...
At 2013, the amount (NUMBER) of books read by women achieves (D) the peak with (...) while also it intersects (ED) the number of ...
... a sharply decreasing (E) trend to 8000 books ...
... books read by female wassteadily increased (STEADILY) from 2011 to 2013 (...) books read by male was(it should be active , right?) slowly increased from ...

... it experienced a sharply decreasing (E) trend and (...) a sharply increased trend since 2012.
mardian24 46 / 75  
Oct 30, 2016   #3
Hi kiki23, I'm trying to make some comments

... by both gender was steadily increaseda steady increase during the first two years
It is better for you to use noun phrase than to make it passive.

... books read by women achieves the peakachieved a peakwithat as much as ten ...
Because it is already happen, so use past tense than present tense

... continued to increase and reachreached to 9000 byin the end of 2013
Use same tense before and after 'and', in this sentence, you use past tense at the first than you should use past tense as well at the end

Thank you
WasishaSisha 16 / 20  
Oct 30, 2016   #4
Hi kiki23,

There are many grammatical error, it should be use verb 2 (it cause in the past):

- ... trend of both variables is rising,
- ... the increasing number is not identical,
- ... books read by women achieves the peak with as much
- and reach 9000 by the end of 2013
- ... books read by women achieves the....

You have to write adjective after adverb:

- and decreased sharply for the next ...
- rose sharply for the next two years.

It should be "In" to reveals year:

At 2013,
At 2014,

Break a leg!


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