Hello
i need to write an essay in a rogerian format (group project) and this is my first time ever writing in this style. So please if you could give me a feedback on how to improve or fix any mistakes, it would be very much appreciated.
note: this is the format that the professor wanted
Title: The pros and cons of being a part of the social network
Intro
Are social network site helpful or harmful? Some people argue that too much information in the hands of the wrong people can be dangerous. Major social network websites such as Facebook, twitter and Instagram are used to stay connected with friends and family. These sites allow users to interact with new people and is a good way to be exposed to strangers. While these networking sites can be helpful for increased social interaction, It stops being beneficial when the decrease in privacy is overlooked.
Benefit of Social media
The concerns of privacy may be present but it relies on the users' actions and how they utilize these social network sites. For example, some people build fake relationships rather than real ones because there are those who lack communication skills and they find it easier to engage in a conversation through messaging rather than verbally speaking to a person. With this, people found that social networking sites have a positive effect on their life because it helps in social interactions and gives more opportunities to make social connections.
Social Networking allows people to communicate in a very short time. This has led to the creation of a site that is involved in helping the community. Sites like 'Linked' are dedicated to helping those people who are hunting for jobs. Candidates can create or use their existing resume and upload them to these sites where employers can search for the qualifications that they are interested in. Also companies can advertise for jobs on these sites and have a high chance of obtaining a highly qualified person.
Lastly, social networking has increased the opportunities for business. Businesses study trends that are popular within communities and they utilize the social media websites to promote and advertise their product. Social marketing is cost effective and even unfamiliar brands are getting attention from huge audiences which has been an effective way to advertise.
Drawback
People should understand what the social networking websites can do with their information. The privacy policy that social networking websites provide shows where and how their personal information is used and protected. The majority of users lack either the education or competence to protect their privacy online including through social networking websites. In a study done by Nili Steinfeld, out of 45 different privacy policies the average number of words are 2400 words. There may be words and phrases that may be difficult to understand and ultimately be inconvenient to the user to read, which would lead to the users accepting the terms without reading. in an experiment done by Ross Malaga, a total of 173 of 178,207 unique visitors clicked on the privacy policy over a six month period. The website was for a women`s apparel site where credit card information was required. in addition only 7 of the 45 policies require the website to notify the user if there is a change made to the privacy policy. This can lead to more security vulnerabilities that could create opportunities for hacking and information theft and less ways of prevention through user involvement.
Negative
One of the big concerns of social network is being able to be anonymous because it allows a potential criminals, whether it be sexual offenders, stalkers or psychos, to hide their identity. On the web, they can appear to be ordinary people and users have no idea whether they are real or fake. This discourages online relationships because of the low chance that the person you meet on the web is authentic.
The social networking sites are not as private as people may think. They fail to realize that everything that gets uploaded into the internet does not get permanently get deleted. People sometimes post their opinion or photos regardless of it being inappropriate or not. While one moment a photo of friends doing shots at a party may seem harmless, the image may appear less attractive in the context of an employer doing a background check. Social networking sites encourage people to share their everyday events and intimate details of their lives can be posted so easily. Most sites allow their users to control who sees the things they've posted, but such limitations are often forgotten.
Social networking sites can be bad for users' health. Usually social network sites can be browsed through a computer. Prolonged usage of these sites can be harmful because sitting in front of a computer requires zero physical activity. Statistics show that sitting in front of the computer all day causes poor posture, eye strain, and poor circulation. Because these computerized interaction involves zero face to face interaction, there is no motivation for these individuals to leave the house or to go exercise. Eventually this can severely affect one's health.
Drawback
The social networking sites may lack in privacy but there is a reason behind that. Most social networking websites requires personal information in order to create a profile. They allow users have a choice of putting it as public or private; however, the websites will still have access to the information regardless. Users may feel that these sites doesn't provide enough security, but a social networking website cannot be completely secure because then it would not allow anyone access. By doing so, it prevents users from making connections which goes against the purpose of these social networking sites.
Similarities
Social media can be just as harmful as it is helpful in the wrong hands. While these online environment can be used for social interactions, one can use them as a tool to harm people such as cyber bullying.
(Need to expand this section)
*need help in this section, cant think of any similarities*
Conclusion
Social networking sites can be very beneficial for keeping contact with family members and friends; however, one must be aware of the possible dangerous scenarios that can occur and know how to handle these situations. People should take the advantage of making their profiles private because it filters out unwanted visitors and can be done with only a few mouse clicks. People should remember that these sites can be used for advantageous reasons but remember that it should not put any limitations on them. They should go out and physically meet and communicate with people in the real world rather than being restricted to computerized interactions. To wrap up, users of these sites need to be aware of the obvious and not so obvious effects of these sites and use them with their utmost caution.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Kevin, I think that you should consider omitting the portion that discusses the health drawbacks of social media because you were not able to provide additional discussion about it, such as the positive health results of social media, in other sections of the paper. So that section becomes irrelevant to the discussion. Most of your focus in the essay is on the privacy of the person using social media. There is no follow up discussion on the health consequences or benefits in other sections. Therefore, you need to remove that reference paragraph in order to keep your essay focused on the privacy aspect alone. That is of course, unless you can figure out way to use the positive health benefits of social media in the Similarities discussion.
For the Similarities portion, aside from cyber-bullying as a harmful effect, you can also discuss the way that social media is being used by terrorists to recruit people to their cause. You can discuss how social media is now a major source of news and information for its users, but then the problem is that because social media relies on the so-called "citizen journalism" to offer information, not all of the information that is gained from them can be accurate.
However, for the positive comparison, you can say that social media has helped to save millions of lives from cyber-bullying because of the emergence of anti-bullying support groups on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. You will need to do some research but you will see that these organizations, while they require that you give up some of your privacy in order to join then, ends up helping you in the long run because you belong to a safe social network meant to support you when you are feeling down because of bullying. You can also claim that the news on social media helps inform the reader and encourages them to verify the information before sharing it. The important part of this is that the reader gets interested to learn new things and respond to his changing environment because of the "citizen journalist".
Now, based upon the information that you will decide to place in the similarities portion, you may need to adjust your conclusion or find out what your group mates have written for the essay so that you can better develop your conclusion to support the group voice in the final paper,
These are some of my ideas as to how you can expand your similarities portion. I hope it helps.
