Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


Role of popular events in calming tensions between countries? IELTS Task 2


MR FARAH 1 / -  
Nov 8, 2015   #1
Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safeway.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Million of people allover the world wait and even collect money to be spent in travelling and watching World Cup Champion that takes place evey four years. It is a big event and many think that it is not just a champion , but it has many benefits to us nowadays. Without any doubt , it is clear to many that this popular events , like World Cup and other sport events as Olympic champion , are an effective way to relieve our tensions and are the safest and healthest way to release our emotions.

No one can deny that our world today is so complicated and we as a human face challenges in different aspects of our life. Every country has its own problems , but we all share some serious concerns. For instance , our relationship getting worse and because of limited resources of oil and gas , many conflicts and even wars occur between countries and , although the economy of different countries is increasing year by year , these countries failed to roll back this enemies. Also when we think personaly , the numbers of people constantly increased and jobs apportunities constantly deacreased and person always works under stress and try to consume more time in his work and another time in training to become quillified to his position.

All these problems and others, make everyone try to take himself away for relaxing and to charge himself to be able to work. So , many people participate in activities that they enjoied and others just sit in thier home and follow this big events.

But this events has many opponent who believe that there are many issues should be put in cosiderations. For example , there are huge numbers of money spent in this events ,and many countries and companies invest in sport market for its own benefit. This millions of euros should be spent , as many said , in more beneficial things and we should concentrate on our problems and try to relief the suffer of hungry people and help the poor country.

I think we could have a balanced view . so , we should try to relief the international tensions by arrangement like this popular events , but in the same time , we have to impose rules and spend part of this investment to help in reduction our problems and increase the awarness of people about what we really face.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Nov 8, 2015   #2
Million of people allover the world wait ... .

I think this is good writing. Yet, you failed to present your claim, as this is the most important way in introduction. If you lacks this, then readers do not know what you are trying to argue. Here is my sample;

Nationalism involves strong emotions, feeling and actions. As such, it is agreed that the World Cup football match and the Olympics can be necessary to bind people for international relations. While this notion is utterly acceptable, I would argue that these worldwide events may be a trigger for further tensions amongst countries


Home / Writing Feedback / Role of popular events in calming tensions between countries? IELTS Task 2
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳