communicable diseases issue
Nowadays, with the fast growth of civilization, communicable diseases remain an issue and even increasingly serious because of the change of weather as well as diverse other factors. CDs cause thousands of deaths annually. Therefore, as the public health worker in the future, I think I have the responsibility to improve this matter.
A communicable disease is one that is spread from one person to another through a variety of ways including blood; bodily fluids; airborne virus; bitten by an insect. Some of the CDs are HIV/AIDs, dengue, measles, and so on. Those diseases are really dangerous.
What need to be done is to provide people in communities with common knowledge of how to protect them from communicable diseases. The most important thing for the PWs is to learn and research this problem deeply and then apply this knowledge to communities. In order to do that, communication should be done by public health staff. We should do both direct and indirect to help people achieve common knowledge of infectious diseases. Firstly, direct communication is face-to-face such as talks, group discussions, home visits and tutorials, club activities, hands-on guidance, counselling, competitions, etc. Secondly, indirect communication is through mass media like TV, radio, newspapers, magazines and other information materials like posters, banners, manuals, etc. We need to provide clear, concise and helpful information about the causes, the pathogens, the symptoms, the risk factors that enhance the transmission, the preventive measure of communicable diseases. Besides, to use appropriate approaches to reach specific groups for communication and mobilization, paying more attention to face-to-face and small-group communication and peer education. In addition, communication also plays a significant role in warning people when diseases occur.
In conclusion, it cannot be denied the role of public health workers in helping community step by step change their habits and behaviors as being recommended.diver other factors -> other diverse factors.
I think you should build a strong connection and show coherence among your sentences to make it smoother and more fluent.
You list a lot of items, which may cause readers to be boring. And remember that before the last item you list, you should use "and" or "as well as" or other linking words to make it less repetitive. Moreover, try to avoid repeating by paraphrasing your sentences.
The second paragraph is pretty short, which makes your essay unbalanced. You can add some more information like "how dangerous CDs are" ore something like that to make it long enough.
Your conclusion is fine, but it's quite short! If you want to get high score, try to make it more attractive and interesting!
These above are just my recommendations! Like you, I am also a Vietnamese learner of English! What I share with you is my experience!
Hope that's useful!
Hi Le, I am not sure if the title of this trend is already the original prompt. Let's assume it is. So we can begin to talk. The topic is asking you how the role of a public health worker can help its community to avoid contagious diseases. So the second paragraph is invalid in this scenario because you do not need to explain what is the definition of communicable diseases.
In the third paragraph, you can divide into two separate paragraph. Start with "What need to be done.... till... like posters, banners, manuals, etc." " We need to provide clear... "
Also, I see in your first paragraph you have mentioned yourself so you should also mention any of your related public health experience if there is the case.
Again, All these are based on its assuming of the original prompt from the title, but should you realise how important for us to check your work with the prompt that is given. Further, if this is a graduate essay or else you may want to post your next essay to that specific area instead of placing in writing feedback section.
