Writing task 2 - The role of sport in our societies

Writing task 2:
Some people say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

From the beginning of civilization, sports already have been a symbol of physical power, intelligence, wisdom. While some people argue that sports play a pivotal role in our society, others believe that it is only daily activity. This essay will shed light on both sides of those arguments and provide my perspectives.

On one level, for the long history of humans, sports are always the inherent part of a competition among people. In the ancient era, numerous sports contests were organized for people who want to get rewards. Those not only generate the golden opportunities for them to show off performance, create a reputation, but also attract the king who always wants to recruit the strongest army for empires. In the modern era, getting gold medal in an international contest also represents the power and image of the nation compared to other countries, especially in terms of football.

From another angle, sports are leisure activities for several reasons. In the era in which technology, science become the most important, the role of sports no longer powerful compare to the past. Furthermore, nowadays, the evaluation system to judge the value of people also change lead to sports become low potential.

In my opinion, Sports are beneficial for every people. First, an ordinary person who plays sports as a leisure activity could boost their health, refresh their mental health, and avoid various diseases. Second, organizing sports contests, particularly in king sport like football, is one of the optimal choices for organizers to earn profit.

In conclusion, while vast myriads of views about the role of sport in our societies, I suppose that without the support from sports, the human being communities are lost an essential puzzle piece of their life.

Dear @jacky99, here are some of my comments on your essay. I hope it useful to you.

For the second paragraph, I expect to see more perspectives which make sport held an significant role in society other than creating national images or showing off the power. For example, you can add its role as a tool to connect people who are fans of sports and to improve national solidarity and patriotism. I also feel confused about the part "but also attract the king who always wants to recruit the strongest army for empires" as there is no context for it.

For the third paragraph, I think there is a problem with your topic sentence. The idea here is discussing "sport is nothing more than a leisure activity" so you should stick to that idea.

About the part showing your opinions, I did not clearly see which ideas you support, the former or the later. I have the feeling that some of your points are off the topic.

I hope my thoughts are useful to you. I am learning for the test too so I hope we all can improve our writing skills.

You are over reaching in your reasoning paragraphs. You need to stay within current events and explanations. While your knowledge of ancient history is admirable, you won't win any extra points for the unrelated discussion presentation. The sports discussion has nothing to do with ancient warrior selection so, it would be best to avoid such references. The second part of that paragraph is more relevant to the discussion and would have provided you with a better connection between that discussion paragraph and the next one. This is a consideration that examiners use under the C&C scoring consideration. How well do you connect reasoning 1 with reasoning 2? Is your transition sentence believable? The clearer and well developed your explanation, the better.

The second reasoning paragraph is very little developed. It is confusing to read, does not offer a clear connected discussion from the previous paragraph to the next, and does not offer an expanded explanation of the second point of view. The same situation also exists in your personal opinion paragraph. You need to learn to develop balanced and related discussion topics within 3 presentation paragraphs. Your conclusion is the worst. It does not follow the 3-5 sentence reverse paraphrase format. It is only a clear run on sentence that does not consider the previous discussion points seriously before concluding the essay. It seems like you suddenly realized you ran out of time while writing and wrapped up the essay presentation in a rush. Give the same thought and care to the concluding presentation as you did the discussion paragraphs. That is another way to increase your score in the end.