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Each roles are significant - who should teach kids how to be good members of the society? IELTS W2

Arlen 20 / 40 3  
Apr 1, 2017   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

growing-up stages from different aspects

Being a good member in society is an important lesson for children, and who should take such responsibility, whether parents or school, becoming a worth discussing issue. I think both sides play equally important roles and reasons are following.

Firstly, imitation is children's nature, and the way they learn to treat the world. Furthermore, their first models are usually their parents, who spent most of time with during the childhood. Kids copy parents' behavior, regarding the words they use, the attitude they toward others and the value they have. There is a Chinese saying that goes, like father like son, which means what kind of parents will have the same type of children.

Secondly, after entering schools, where not only provide the educational opportunities, but also a place children start to learn how to cope with others. This is their step to socialize. Apart from the peer, teachers are model to the kids as well, since they replace the roles as parents in school life, who lead children explore the world. You can image a school as a small society, where the child will face many frustrations and joy, learning how to be a mature adult.

To conclude, although people hold different views toward who should teach children be a great participant of society, whether parents or school, I suppose each roles are significant since these people will affect the children in many aspects during their growing-up stages.

imlost88 2 / 3  
Apr 1, 2017   #2

A minor mistake that I can figure out is:

.... each roles are significant => each role is significant or you can use "integral" to put more emphases on each role

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,732 3069  
Apr 1, 2017   #3
Arlen, since the prompt instructions indicate that you have to discuss both sides of the issue and then offer your opinion, using examples from your life or popular information, I can accurately say that your essay did not meet the specific prompt requirements. You have turned the essay into a personal opinion paper alone, showing a disregard or misunderstanding of the prompt requirements. I am not sure if you just forgot the discussion format or you really did not understand what was expected of your essay. Whatever the reason, the grade for this essay will be a 3. Once you fail in the task accuracy portion, specifically because you did not properly present your response in accordance with the requirements, there is no way that your essay, regardless of how well written it is, can pass the test. Miss out on one or two instructions and your essay becomes a totally different discussion from the original. So you cannot be given a passing score in that instance.
MikaTan 2 / 4 1  
Apr 1, 2017   #4
take such responsibility=sense of responsibility
a worth discussing=a heated debate/discussion
equally important roles and reasons are following=increasingly important role in..
I think both sides= As far as i am concerned

anyway overall should be able to score a minimum of band 5 to band 5.5. i am still at a learning stage, so appreciate that i able to improve myself on this issue as well.

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