Hi, im fairly new here. I hope that you can give me some comments on my essay.
The topic of the essay is 'The most enjoyable moment."
''Psst..want some?''my friend whispered suspiciously to me."Want what?"i replied curiously while looking at what my friend was holding.."Only the most brilliant tablet ever made by human itself!",he said in a very boastful tone.
My eyes glowed in excitement.I looked at my friend as he inserted a purple coloured tablet into his mouth.I stared in envy as the sheer blissful expression gleamed upon his face.With each passing moment, i got desperate, I desired it even more.I tried to resist,but the desire to consume was overwhelming.
"Give me one!,I desperately pleaded with him as i succumed to temptation.He placed the purple tablet on the palm of my hand.It was weightless, as light as a feather.I lifted my hand, slowly placing the tablet on the tip of my tongue.
Bloody brilliant!It was like nothing I had ever tasted before.The flavour of the tablet blasted in my mouth.My vision blurred,as if the whole world has disintegrated.My hearing became limited, only hearing the collisions between the tablet and my teeth.
The tablet melted in my mouth.The euphoric feeling was taking over me.Within minutes, the tablet totally dissolved.It was gone,all gone! The object that gave me an out of the body experience was finished in a flash.
I needed more,I needed to have another go at the wonderful feeling.
"Give me another one!" i demanded from my friend
"No!Theres only a few left!I am never going to give you another one!" shouted my friend in anger. I was furious, the onliy thing that prevented me from the zenith of my life was him.
I gave him a hard shove,so hard that he was forced back to a wall.Punched him as though he was a punching bag.I could no longer comprehend anything,neither my actions nor their impact.All i knew that i needed to have those precious tablets and this demon was preventing me from reaching them.
My eyes turned bloodshot.I had intended to get that little treasure of his from him no matter what.
"THUD!", i delivered a fatal punch,straight to his ribcage.
"Theg..Theg...", the plastic containing the tablet fell out of his pocket."MENTOS",it wrote on the wrapper.I placed a handful in my mouth as my friend laid on the floor,motionless.
"Tek!Tek!"the sound made by the collision of the grape flavoured mentos and my teeth coming out from the corner of a room in the Woodbridge Mental Institute, echoed through out the hallway.
"THUD!", i delivered a fatal punch,straight to his ribcage.
Capitalize that i, lazy! :-)
I punc hed him as though he ...
Put a space after every period:
...was a punching bag. I could no longer comprehend anything, neither my actions nor their impact. All I knew that i needed to have those precious tablets
, and this demon was preventing me from reaching them.
I think this should be submitted to Mentos and other companies that make "tablets," and maybe they will pay you for the right to make it into a commercial.
Thanks for making my day a little better.
