Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 8

IELTS; Rubbish created by humans today is a worldwide issue!


handsome7boy 6 / 13  
Jan 26, 2014   #1
It's generally agreed that the amount of rubbish created by humans today is a worldwide problem. What do you think are the main causes of this situation? What measures can be used to tackle the problem

It is known that the vast amount of litter produced by mankind is considered to be the main cause of the climate woes, degeneration of maritime zones and environment. Many scientists are concerned how to cope with this problem reducing the number of refuse, albeit, very few of us are inclined to spare a thought to the causes of our actions.

From the point of my view, the majority of rubbish such as bottles and other non-biodegradable materials created by humankind can be seen on the surface of the oceans and seas. Virtually all of the rubbish is released owing to the human consumption, and most of them are non-biodegradable therefore man has no choice but to throw away them into the oceans, however, apart from degenerating the ocean, they debilitate the stability of the marine biodiversity that might be served as a dish to us.

Nevertheless, professional approach when dealing with this issue is remarkably noteworthy in terms of human healthcare and stability of our "blue planet". It is crucial to reduce or avoid incorruptible materials when making products available to the public. Furthermore, paying attention when transporting fossil fuels overseas is also important since acidic substances are considered to be lethal.

In conclusion, if we do our best in every action we do in terms of proficiency, the nature will take care of itself. In addition, we are supposed to recycle the unnecessary wastes, only in these ways, will there be not any ripple effects.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 27, 2014   #2
I have a few admin requests for you. First, you should open your essays in the most appropriate forum. I understand this is an IELTS essay and it should have been opened in the Writing Feedback forum. (I transferred it from Undergraduate to Writing Feedback). Second, you need to have a more meaningful title ( we attended to your original title ). It is always better you include the purpose of your writing (IETLS, TOEFL, GRE etc.) in the title. These are forum rules and they also help you to earn more feedbacks.
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jan 27, 2014   #3
the majority of rubbish such as bottles and other non-biodegradable materials are created by humankind can be seen on the surface of the oceans and seas.

you need to have a more meaningful title ( we attended to your original title ).

I agree with dumi, you should attach the tittle to make sure you answer all of question.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 27, 2014   #4
I think you have very good writing skills. You have excellent vocabulary, good sentences, smart idea :) However, I think you better pay more attention to the essay structure. I noticed that Pahan has provided you with a good structure -

That would help you earn marks as well as manage time very effectively. You may have to have slight adjustments there as per your topic. But worth following that approach :)
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Jan 27, 2014   #5
It is known that the vast amount of litter produced by mankind is considered to be the main cause of the climate woes

It is known that the vast amount of litter which is produced by mankind is considered to be the main cause of the climate woes
OP handsome7boy 6 / 13  
Jan 27, 2014   #6
TIADS:
sorry, but "are" is not needed in that situation. please, do not try to assess something if you are not sure!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dumi:
thank you, dumi !!!!!
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 14, 2014   #7
I noticed that Pahan has provided you with a good structure

Ohh.... had I ? Lol

It is known that the vast amount of litter produced by mankind is considered to be the main cause of the climate woes, degeneration of maritime zones and environment. Many scientists are concerned how to cope with this problem reducing the number of refuse, albeit, very few of us are inclined to spare a thought to the causes of our actions.

Your writing is quite impressive.However, I like if you reduce the length of your sentences a bit more (e.g. the last sentence of your intro is a bit too long). Long sentence give more work to the reader as he needs to memorize things. The reader won't be happy to do that :D

From the point of my view, the majority of rubbish such as bottles and other non-biodegradable materials created by humankind can be seen on the surface of the oceans and seas.

Better you begin the body para with the reason. Your prompt asks you what are the possible causes for this situation. So, it's good you opened the para with the first reason.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,203 468  
Mar 3, 2014   #8
It is nicer if you could complete your essay with this concluding paragraph.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS; Rubbish created by humans today is a worldwide issue!