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Running business is one of many jobs option which people can choose. Money is crucial?


mita23 34 / 37 3  
Feb 28, 2016   #1
The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

Running business is one of many jobs option which people can choose. There is statement which argues that the main aim of business is producing money and entrepreneur should focus on it. In my opinion, I think that purpose of business is about not only making money but also learning many things related to business.

To begin, business can be media on which people are able to gain a lot of life experience because it offers many obstacles which people need to overcome. To illustrate, by having business, inhabitants can enhance their knowledge in making good relationship with other people, like consumers, workers and rivals. Consequently, they can know how to manage the condition of their business when there is problem which people need to face. Therefore, there is no doubt that the purpose of business is to increase the ability of creating great environment with others.

However, it cannot be denied that money is great pleasure for businessmen because they require big profit from trade activity and without making money, entrepreneur can lose opportunity to have long-lasted business which means that their business will be bankrupt in short time. My fruit shop in Indonesia, for instance, is built for one aim, getting a lot of money in order to create satisfied profit which later is used for enlarging the business becoming wider and larger. As a result, when I focus on it, my shop nowadays has obtained many achievement and improvement.

To sum up, although some people believe that the purpose of trading activity is only to gain money, I would argue that there is the other aim of building business that is getting knowledge of relationship.

NourNour 22 / 39 7  
Mar 1, 2016   #2
Hey, Mita. your writing is good. I want to highlight one thing which is try to take the previous feedbacks into consideration in order to improve your writings Mita.

My suggestions are:

1. one of many jobs optionS
2. There is a statement ... main aim of business is producingto make money and entrepreneur should focus on it.
3. As I mentioned before Mita, you must not repeat the same words of the question. Try to paraphrase the question using synonyms of the words mentioned in it. For example, in the following sentence instead of saying:

In my opinion, I think that purpose of business is about not only making money but also learning many things related to businessyou can sayI am inclined to believe that the main objective of business is not only earning profits but also... (try to mention one or two things that people learn from business )

4. To begin with , business can be amediameanon which people are able to gain a lot of life experience because it offers many obstacles which people need to overcome.

To begin with, people can acquire experience by handling the difficulties they face in their business.

5. Consequently, they can overcome the problems they face in their work.know how to manage the condition of their business when there is problem which people need to face

6. the ability of creating great environment with others. (try to rewrite it differently )

7.My advice to you Mita is try to read more about a topic before you write about it in order to improve your words choice.

Best of luck :))))


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