Allow me to give comments and suggestion for your writing.
Overall, your writing is good whereas I have found several grammatical errors in your essay.
Grammatical Errors :
people are exposed to public regularly
I am afraid that public is not appropriate with this sentence. I suggest you to give an article to the word if the vocabulary has already mentioned beforehand. Alternatively, you can change it becoming : the general public
. I think it will be much clearer on your sentence.
believe that media have
I think that you should put an article for media. So it should be the media
in this sentence.
ordinary people rather than
expose outstanding people
it should be : exposing
Blowing up ordinary people
This is uncommon, I suggest you to find the sentence out first and thus to know how to use the word in a sentence.
an object of news brings viewer to realize moral value
you need an article here or make it plural.
because he build a series of windmillsSubject Verb agreement
, it should be he builds
like the way of person
it should be = the way of a person
or the way of people
or the way of persons.
that most of famous lifestyles influence the viewers to follow their manner like using
well-know branded product as en extravagant activity
Firstly, I think this sentence is not easy to read. Secondly, I utterly believe that you get the wrong end of the stick inasmuch as you have written well-known. I thinks it should be "well-known" if you want to make it as an adjective.
FLOWS AND IDEAS.Although your introductory paragraph is quite good to express your thesis statement, I strongly believe that you can get a better score in IELTS writing if you can make your introductory paragraph much clearer by expanding your main idea in your thesis statement. Furthermore, I think that your hook and the next sentence is not coherence.
I hope in the next comment, I can give an example of introductory paragraph.
looking forward to your feedback on my comments.KEEP SPIRIT, KEEP STUDY.