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"a rusty old chain on tree" descriptive essay, help w/ introduction, conclusion,title


antitherockstar 1 / -  
Sep 20, 2010   #1
i'm doing a descriptive essay for my english 111 class and i just need a title, and i need to know if my introduction is ok. and i need a way to conclude it. and any pointers on how i can improve it.

To someone who's never lived in my house they'd think I have an ordinary back yard. But to me my back yard is like a book where every page has a different story to tell and every sentence a happy memory.

Standing on the back porch you have a full view of the back yard. It's about an acre. Turning to the left the first thing you will notice is a rusty old truck. To any random person that's basically what it is. But what you wouldn't know about this rusty old truck is that my grand father used this truck in the 50s and 60s to tow junk cars in and out of the back yard. The tow truck also had a special front bumper used to push cars to the back of the yard to be work on and taken apart.

Behind the truck is a gumball tree with a huge chain and a hood wrapped around a branch. At first glance it looks like a rusty old chain on the tree, the branch has actually grown around the chain because its been there so long. When I look at this I think of the stores my family told about how the hook and chain were used to life engines out of cars. When I was younger, my cousins and I would take turns swinging on the hook and chain. By the tree with the hook there is a cement block in the ground. Now we use the block as a make shift basketball court. But when the block was put there it's purpose wasn't to entertain the children that were visiting. The cement block was put there to work on cars, because they didn't want the oils and everything to be absorbed in the grass.

Towards the very back of the yard is a garden. It looks like a regular old garden. I thought it was a regular old garden. But it's a very fertile part of land where the garden is. I thought it was just luck, but my mom told me the land in the very back of the yard has good soil, because my family used to have pigs and that helped the land. Behind the garden is a make shift tin fence, and if you turn to the left you can see this fence goes half way around the perimeter of the yard.

You can only see random chunks of this fence because trees and brush have grown in front of it over the years. But there's something from the fence that hasn't changed over the years is a pathway in the back corner of the yard. Its also where the fence ends. This path leads to an opening to the land next to ours, and to the right of this opening is what used to be my great grand parents house. My uncle lives there now and we still use the path way to get to his house.

To the back right of the yard there is debris and random car parts in the ground. Walking back there honestly isn't safe. Nothing grows back there and the dirt is black and scary. Its about 100 square feet of glass and car parts. Its like that because my grand father used to pile up cars back there after he and my uncles were done working with them. On the side of the house is a pump. Its an old one and once upon a time it was the houses only source of running water. I remember visiting my grand parents house and going outside to get water to cook and bathe with.
KathyLala 20 / 116  
Sep 21, 2010   #2
Since you are writing about your backyard, so I would title it with
TITLE: MY FAVORITE PLACE OR MY MEANINGFUL PLACE, MEMORABLE PLACE...
BACKYARD IS ONE WORD, I THINK

To someone who's never lived in my house they'd think I have an ordinary back yard. But to me my back yard is like a book where every page has a different story to tell and every sentence a happy memory.

=>..who has never lived in my house might think that I have an ordinary backyard..
=> and every sentence has a happy memory.
=>Standing on the back porch, you have a full view of the back yard.
=>Turning to the left, the first thing you will notice is a rusty old truck that my grand father used in the 50s and 60s to tow junk cars in and out of the backyard. The tow truck also had a special front bumper used to push cars to the back of the yard [to be work on and taken apart].<= I don't get what you mean

=>Now we use the block to make a basketball court
=>It looks like a regular old garden, but it's a very fertile part of land where the garden is. I thought it was just luck, but my mom told me the land in the back of the yard has good soil, because my family used to have pigs and that helped the land. Behind the garden is a make shift tin fence, and if you turn to the left you can see this fence goes half way around the perimeter of the yard.

=>great grand parents' house
=>To the back right of the yard is filled with debris and random car parts in the ground
=>Nothing grows there and the dirt is black and scary. It is about 100 square feet of glass and car parts because my grandfather used to pile up cars after he and my uncles were done working with them. On the side of the house is a pump. It is an old one and was the only source of running water. I remember visiting my grand parents' house and going outside to get water to cook and bathe with.

I just try to read very quickly, I believe you have made more errors than what I just mention. Don't confuse ITS AND IT'S, ITS IS DIFFERENT FROM IT'S; it's mean it is, try to avoid confuse you can spell out, don't write it's but write it is

For conclusion, mention why it's your favorite backyard and what it mean to you
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 23, 2010   #3
To someone who's never lived in my house they'd think I have an ordinary back yard.

Someone who's never lived in my house might think I have an ordinary back yard.--- I fixed the sentence, but really... this intro sentence is meaningless. Why would anyone who has never lived in your house presume to know anything about the yard?

This is the way to begin:
My back yard is like a book where every page has a different story to tell and every sentence a happy memory.---- now this is a great sentence!!!!!!

I'll change it a little:
My back yard is like a book in which every page has a different story to tell and every sentence a happy memory.
That is the way to begin an essay!

As for the title, you have to choose one on your own!! :-)

Description like this needs more imagery words -- not just colors and images, but also sounds, smells, textures, etc. Add words that activate the reader's imagination.

Your conclusion, intro, and title all need to express the main idea. What is the insight you are sharing here? I know what it is, and you do too, for sure. Just come up with a clever 1.) phrase (title) 2.) sentence (thesis) and 3.) paragraph (conclusion) to express that main truth about the significance of one's place for memory making.


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