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Ielts writing task 2 - Safety standards are important when building people's homes.


krempetkov 13 / 29 6  
Dec 8, 2016   #1
First, I think that i have made several mistakes(grammatical) and with the word usage. My questions are - If my ideas are well developed, because i feel like, i have gone out of the topic way too often. Also, i think that my sentences are not created in the right way(not in the way that native speaker will write them). Thank you in advance!

Safety standards are important when building people's homes. Who should be responsible for enforcing strict building codes - the government or the people who build the homes?

In the last couple of years, we haev experienced several devastating tradegies involving building, which did not correspond to the safety standards. The question, who should take the responsibility for creating strict and reasonable build codes, however is causing some tension in the society. In my opinion, the building companies have to take the responsibility, since they have the full control of the building process, while the government need to set strict building rules in order to guarantee the safety livings of the citizens.

With the increasing searching for new homes in the last few years, building companies are developing faster and cheaper ways to build new houses and flats. All of that, brings additional profits to this companies, but on the other side sometimes they tend to overlook the safety standards. Since, they have the full control of the building process, from the very start to the end, they have the responsibility for our health and they should ensure our safety living. Moreover, their engineers and architects know every single detail of the buildings, so they should know what are they risks and how to protect us from them.

Even though, the governments have limited control on the building process, the still can influence the building companies. First, by imposing huge fines and strict rules, they are able to guarantee the safety living of the population. Furthermore, their first duty is to protect their citizens and provide a safety and reliable environment for them. In addition to this, as they give the rights whether one company is capable of executing building actions, they have the responsibility to choose the best and most reliable companies for our future and safety,

In conclusion, I think that both sides should step up and take the responsibility for our health. On one hand the building companies have the resources and the knowledge to keep our homes in good conditions, while on the other hand the governments have the power to control and monitor the building processes.

nda18 46 / 81 9  
Dec 9, 2016   #2
Hi @krempetkov

> i found that your essay lack of example, i think you should give several example in order to emphasize your statement.
> there are many collocations which seem not right in several sentences.
> i also found that your introduction is a little bit confusing because you mention the notion that is not mentioned from the question. you should mentioned your notion for your body.

> i think your notion in your introduction and your body paragraph is not coherence.
> the predominant issue are you have many mistakes regarding to grammar and spelling

so here are my sample correction for your essay

...wepeoplehaevhave experienced several devastating tradegiestragedies involving building, which did not corresponded to the safety standards.

...The question,This brings up a question regarding who should take the responsibility for creatingdesigning strict and reasonable build codes,
however IT is causing some tension in the society. In my opinion, the building companies (...) since they have the full a control of the building process, while the government needs to set strict building ...

i hope you can fix the rest of your essay,
keep writing and break a leg
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Dec 14, 2016   #3
The thing that makes your essay seems odd is because you did not answer the question properly. Reaching band 6 or above requires you to write a relevant (band 6) or clear (band 7) position in terms of Task Response. The question is pretty clear. You are suggested to CHOOSE either government or builder. Then, why did you come up with an answer that both are responsible. Somehow this type of answer might lead to an unclear and confusing development. This issue can possibly drag your band score down to 5 due to unclear position. Also, your essay can be considered as an essay that partially answered the prompt. Thus, my suggestion for you is that you need to straightforward in answering the prompt without making an unrelated answer. For instance, in this case, you can just CHOOSE one of the possible options. If you choose government, you can just focus on explaining why government should be responsible and not the builder. It might look simple, but this is a fundamental issue that can improve your band score later on.


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