hello guys, could u help me evaluate this essay I wrote yesterday, and give the estimated score if it was in ielts. thank you very much!!
topic:Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sports people are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowadays, sportsman has become an attractive occupation especially, for these teenagers who have a dream to be a millionaire. Some people argue that some sports players do not deserve to be paid such an enormous salary. However, from my point of view, it is still relatively equitable as the public is willing to pay and these athletes do not succeed without any efforts
The main point of those who are against is that some sports professionals earn too much money compared with some critical professionals, like surgeon, teachers and nurses. It is true that these people make huge contribution to our society and should be respected and paid more. But the accomplishments of most sportspeople are not one-night success as well, which also require hours of tough practice and a variety of pain other people do not know. Moreover, some sports stars are keen to hold and participate in various social activities. Take Yaoming as an example, who is a billionaire in NBA, he donated millions of money to support those people in the Wenchuang earthquake. Thus, the unfairness is not the issue.
In my view, it is justified that some top sportspeople can have a striking salary. It should be noted that the top players in the specific sports items are few. Only can several top professionals have extravagant lifestyle. And a factor which some people do not take account in is that the lifespan of sports person's career is rather short. Normally, they have to end up their career in their early 30s. Therefore it is reasonable to receive much money in a short period as a preparation for their future life.
In conclusion, our society had better place more value on the essential professions, while the amount of money the sports professionals make is rational when considering the efforts they made and the lifespan of their career.
Moreover, some sports stars are keen to hold and participate in various social activities. Take Yaoming as an example, who is a billionaire in NBA. He donated millions of money to support those people in the Wenchuang earthquake. Thus, the unfairness is not the issue.
In conclusion, our society had better place more ...
Instead of writing this, I think you should write
In conclusion, our society should place more ...
Your English is great!!
