Question: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
money as a primary motivation
Many people believe that salary is the primary factor when deciding to take a job, Personally, I completely disagree with this point of view.
Although income plays an essential role, there are several reasons why it is not the foremost thing to be taken into consideration. Firstly, salary is usually determined by the labor market. If an employer offers a salary that is considered too low, the applicant will not take the job, thus making the employer raise it in order to attract more workforce. In fact, the amount paid to employees offered by the majority of corporations are considerably reasonable, and applicants can always try to negotiate to get the desired salary. Secondly, salary always corresponds to the characteristics of the job. Jobs with high salary often comes with tremendous responsibilities and demands specific qualifications. Occupations which have inherent risks such as stuntmen or cleaning workers on tall buildings also offer great income.
When choosing a job, applicants have diverse aspects to take into account. Passion and personal preference have always equitably affected the way people select their profession. For example, people crave for creativity will take a job that allows them to innovate rather than a repetitive one. Working environment and the culture of the company are also equally crucial to an applicant's choice of career. Having a friendly manager and helpful co-workers can create a huge difference to employees' level of happiness. Thousands of graduates are competing against each other to get into big and prestigious firms hoping that they can benefit from these firms, whereas there are other companies that are willing to pay them more with the same, if not, less amount of work and pressure.
In conclusion, I totally disagree that salary can overweight other factors when it comes to selecting a job.
Thank you for your time and would love to have your opinions on my essay!
I guess what you meant by "overweight" is "outweigh".
Your topic sentence at the beginning of each body paragraph didn't match its supporting ideas, if not opposing it:
Although income plays an essential role, there are several reasons why it is not the foremost thing to be taken into consideration.
----> then you said employees refused to take a job because of low salaries?
----> this would better go with the point "when choosing a job... levels of happiness "
The whole essay looked like a list of points, rat than a cohesive writing.
This is my personal opinion.
Hope this would help.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,585 3757
Phong, your approach to the essay will result in a failed score because you did not follow the proper discussion format and instructions as provided in the original essay prompt. Please take note of the grave mistake that you made in terms of the Task Accuracy portion of the test. You neglected to provide an accurate 3-5 sentence paraphrase of the discussion topic and instructions in your opening statement. The opening paraphrase is what the examiner uses to determine your ability to understand English instructions. So the paraphrase should be:
In today's job market, people consider a number of factors when deciding to accept a job offer. It is commonly believed that the monthly payments an employee will be receiving is the most important consideration when deciding to work for a company. I completely disagree with this point of view.
You need to offer the examiner an understanding of your analytical abilities in terms of understanding the original prompt. That is why it is always best to present a long form paragraph discussion in all instances. This allows you to elaborate on your English skills in terms of LR, C&C, and GRA considerations. Don't keep it short, keep it within 5 sentences per paragraph at all times in order to allow the examiner to fully consider your English writing and comprehension abilities.
The presentation you made for your discussion is also faulty. You have 2 reasons in one paragraph in the second paragraph. The rules indicate that you get the best possible score when you only discuss one reason per essay because you can fully explain your line of reasoning. You do not need too many reasons, you only need to be able to explain the 2 reasons that you have separately.
Your personal opinion should have been indicated in the 4th paragraph in order to signify the "extent" reasoning that you have on a personal basis. If you were the one applying for the job, why would you consider the salary to be the most important consideration? The first 2 reasons are only commonly accepted reasons. What is your personal reason? That an important representation of your "extent" reasoning.
Again, the same problem exists in your conclusion as in your opening paragraph. Make sure you correct the essay to properly reflect a restatement of the opening discussion in the conclusion. Same number of sentences are required.
In my view, second paragraph is a little irrelevant.
It's hard for me to comprehend your article. I suggest you use more transitional expression to make your writing more coherent.
Hi, It seems to me that you need to build more sentences in the conclusion that cover all the ideas you mention in the paragraph. The given idea about other factors besides the huge salary is good and worth to read, yet you need to choose one idea + supporting detail in every paragraph. Hope it helps.