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The sales of travel, clothes, film/music and books in 2003 and 2013.


angga93 42 / 74 20  
Apr 7, 2016   #1
The pie charts compares the percentage of online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand. The data covers the sales of travel, clothes, film/music and books in 2003 and 2013. Overall, it can be seen that while film/music and books sold more via online, the sales of travel and clothes was smaller in the end of the period.

The biggest increase in online shopping was experienced by movie and music items. Its figure stood at 21% in 2003 and 10 years later, the proportion was 12% biggerwhich made it dominated online sales in 2013. The number of books sold online also witnessed an increase.In 2003, books sales contributed 19% to online shopping which was the smallest number of that year. However, the figure rose to 22% in 2013 so that it no longer in lowest position.

The other two subjects saw drops in online sales proportion. Online purchasing of travel which once became a dominant sale in 2003 (36%) had lost its popularity in 2013, indicated by a dramatic fall of 6%. The proportion of clothes sold online also smallerin the end of the period. In 2003, 24% of online sales was experienced by clothes sales, but ten years later it sales was the smallest, which was only 16% of all sales.



ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 7, 2016   #2
Hi Angga, I like the way that you developed this report summary. You were very informative and clear. Yet, I reckon that your lexical resource is little bit different from your previous essay. I have no idea what is wrong with this essay, but I notice that the use of advance vocabularies were not as many as your past essay. Therefore, if you have a target to reach band 6 or above, try to use more complex vocabularies in both Tasks (1 and 2). That said, there are still some grammar issues with your work that need to be addressed.

The pie charts compares

The pie charts compare...

an increase.In 2003,

an increase. In 2003,...

biggerwhich

bigger, which

However, the figure rose to 22% in 2013

However, the figure raised to 22% in 2013...

that it no longer in lowest position

that it was no longer in the lowest position. (missing verb)

smallerin

smaller in

So, good work on your well-developed report. I hope to see more improvement with your upcoming essays.

Good luck! :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 7, 2016   #3
Hi Angga, a few additions from my end, please find below;

- inby the end of

- byin movie and
- ItsThe figure stood
- bigger whichthat made
- so that it no longertherefore it's no longer
- in the lowest position.

- dropsa decrease in online
- Online purchasing of travel whichtravel purchasing has
- once beco me a dominant
- also smallerindecreased in the end
- its sales
- wasbecame the smallest,

There you have it Angga, another great addition to your analysis.
I hope its helpful as well as useful, in your future writing references.
This analysis is actually not very well written but it has the elements, important to the analysis and this is what matters.


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