if I look from other side, I agree about this.
this idea is too general.
Write 'confer with'.
I believe that University want to give better for their students.
Give some specific examples to support this idea.
ent withfrom their students' sport activities.
Write 'a large library.'
Academy prepare Scholarship largest for their learner that active in sport activities
I find many problems: grammar, vocabulary, sentence, idea.
Suggestion: Read as many IELTS writings as you can to improve your writing skills. This help you find some ideas and improve your vocabulary and grammar.