IELTS Task 2: the same organisation or different organisations?

work in several organizations or devote to an only one

Task 2: Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

My answer:
It is true that the question of whether to work for the same organization the whole working life or work for different organizations remains a source of controversy in the labor market. While a number of people believe that individuals should work for an organization merely, I would argue that it is better to become a part of some companies.

On the one hand, it is believed that working in just only cooperation can bring several positive results to this problem for some justifications. Firstly, labors might have a good chance to understand clearly and dig deep about the operation of their company. As a result, they can enable company's operation to operate in a smooth way and restrict a variety of unexpected problems. Secondly, working for a long time can assist people in gaining more promotion opportunities. This would lead to rise of pay and benefits with their seniority.

On the other hand, I am in favor of the idea that people should have chances working for some different companies. It is indisputable that they might have more opportunities to choose which working environment is appropriate for them. As a consequence, labors would be fresher and full of energy when they have to work daily. Another compelling reason for the idea is that individuals can think in imaginary ways instead of stereotype when they have already understood clearly about their company. For example, in marketing field where the imagination is encouraged usually, non-experienced labors are still accepted.

In conclusion, although both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to work for several organizations instead of just only one.

Mai, the prompt requires a response that covers 3 body paragraphs after the prompt paraphrase. The 3 body discussion is required because the instruction is asking you to present the public supporting and opposing point of view along with your personal point of view. You are not being asked to discuss both points of view from your personal perspective alone. That is called a prompt deviation and could result in the failure of your essay task.

Learn to look for the discussion clues in the original prompt so that you will know how to properly format your response paragraphs. In this case, the clue that you need 3 discussion presentation paragraphs lies in the following instruction:

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Both means 2 so that means you need to present 2 public views. "Own opinion" means 1 or YOUR understanding of the discussion topic. These are the clues that tell you the number of body paragraphs you need to present. Overall, there should be a total of 5 paragraphs presented, not 4.

Try to be consistent in your paragraph presentations. Never present less than 3 sentences in order to meet the C&C paragraph requirement. A complete paragraph is always composed of 3-5 sentences that include the topic sentence, reasoning, example, and additional discussion sentence. When you do not meet the requirement, your scoring consideration becomes lower than it would have been if you wrote more explanatory sentences of up to 5 sentences.

This is a good first attempt. I can see your potential to reach a better scoring consideration once you become more familiar with the discussion types and presentations. Don't hesitate to read the sample essays, as well as the advice given to the OP in the thread, at this forum. We are loaded with learning samples and discussions that can help you in improving your writing skills. You will learn more and faster by seeing the mistakes and corrections made by the others who took the test before you.

Thanks for your great comment. I will try my best to get a higher score :) Thanks again.