IELTS - Satisfaction is no longer guaranteed by just simply adequate salaries

Question:
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual well being.
What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Contents:
Along with the achievement of well-off stage in many developing countries, what comes to become the considerable factor towards well being is no longer simply adequate salaries, but job satisfactory. To my view-point, dividing this psychological achievement into at least three parts, I still grasp a conservative attitude towards the feasibility of job satisfaction assessment to everyone.

According to recent research, some specialists category the job satisfaction into three groups, success, facility and interpersonal relationship. First of foremost, the satisfaction brought by success is a basic aspect that evaluates the well being level. Definitely, not only can the success of a program bring considerable commercial profits, but also help to develop a sense of achievement and self-respect. Secondly, we can easily predict their hardship even nearly inevitable failure without matched work devices, such as computers to an IT engineering or vehicle to a marketing manager. At last, the interpersonal relationship also influences the job satisfaction. Especially the relations between boss and employees or between colleagues. It is hard to imagine that a capable worker can stand their harsh cold boss without any respect or mercy received and would regard himself or herself as well being. Standing on these analysis, assessment of job satisfaction can be draw from those three factors.

However, It is really hard to make these evaluation if more consideration have been taken into the problem of proportion. We will presume this circumstance, when compare a capable and hardworking manager, earning 30,000 EUROs per year with a vehicle but having a poor relationship with family and friends, with a low-salary farmer who possesses a small farm but big happy family, the question would be raised that how to calculate the exact number and proportion of these three factors. The assessment of job satisfaction can only be one part of the reasonable sectors the managers and workers should consider, instead of all parts.

In the final analysis, while it stands to reason to state that the three factors of job satisfaction have been taken into consideration for more people, more focus should be given to their true characteristics of individual. It is too complicated to calculate for all working people.

Darcy

P.S. Dear friends, I'll be truly grateful for any advice or correction.

Hey Darcy, nice try. i am also preparing for IELTS test, glad to see a company here! i have some advices for you, here we go.

about the grammars in the first paragraph,

"To my view-point " → "From/in my point of view".
"I still grasp a conservative attitude.. " → hold/ have
"To my view-point, (lack of the subject) dividing this psychological achievement"
Also, pardon me, i couldn't quite understand "I still grasp a conservative attitude towards the feasibility of job satisfaction assessment to everyone." Your attitude is toward "the feasibility of job satisfaction assessment" or to "everyone"? if thats not what you want to say, you might want to rearrange the order of the words.

In the second paragraph, you could say thats your own opinion but not experts to category the facts into three aspects because the topic is about giving your own point of view, and you also made the statement in your first paragraph saying you have divided them at least into three parts.

Also, "category the job satisfaction into three groups, including/which includes/ such as success, facility and interpersonal relationship."

"harsh cold boss" →"harsh and cold blood boss"

As for paragraph 3 and 4, they could be seen as getting a little off the topic. Surely happy life includes private life and successful business, but you might want to stick to the topic, which is job satisfaction/ job expectation. and the conclusion would look nicer if it were extended.

Hope my opinions would do some help, and good day to you!

Thank you so much about your modification. To be honest, i had actually no idea when i read the question and it costed me 100min at least...what a shame%>_<%...

i may explain two of your remarks.

"To my view-point, dividing this psychological achievement" the subject is right after this sentence, "I". i think it's a non-predicate structure.

The paragraph 3 is to explain the unrealistc of job satisfaction assessment.

As to the other remarks, i totally agree with u. and i even don't know,at present, what this question requires and what to write.

If it is not the category i should write about, what should i do with the first quetion "What factors contribute to job satisfaction?"

Thanks again, dear Moonvlin

Hey Darcy~ So sorry for this late reply, kinda busy these days.

As for this sentence, "From my point of view, dividing this psychological achievement into at least three parts, I still have a conservative attitude towards the feasibility of job satisfaction assessment to everyone.", i still wanna know what's your original thought, maybe you you can type in Chinese and show me about it. yeah, I just clicked your account information and found out that you are from China. well, good thing we both speak in Chinese.

about what can we write about the topic for this one? Before any further discussion, there are questions we might want to think them over, from which our ideas might come along.

What do you want from working? why do you work? what kind of job you want to get and why? would you consider whether the payment is decent or it doest matter? will you follow your heart when applying for a job or you just get one your parents tell you so? does a long commute seems ok for you or you hate it? what kind of boss/ colleague you want to work with? what kind of atmosphere you prefer in your working place? how do you think about overtime working? what's the idea of being successful in working? what kind of facility you want in office? you don't have to answer all these, which are just giving you some stuff to ponder before writing.

another suggestion for quickly improving essay writing is that, there are academic means of writing called "thesis statement" and "topic "sentence", look it up on Internet, it can benefit you!

hope these help. have a nice day! :))) -Vivian.

Hy Elsten,
i give u suggestion for that sentence, better u use In my point of view

Let me try to give good sentence,

after words "three goups" , better u use semicolon (;) than coma (,)