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Saving the endangered plant of Torreya; Intergrated Writing/ TOEFL


g2080800 3 / 6  
Mar 28, 2013   #1
Hello,

I'd like to take TOEFL exam next month and I have practiced the TPO 18 essay. Please help me to check the integrated writing below. If there are any wrong grammar using, please give me the comment. Thank you.

In this set of materials, the author states that experts are trying to find ways to inhibit the decline of Torreya; however, the professor challenges the idea in the reading passage.

First, the reading passage describes the scientists are working in making the microclimate for the plants to sustain their life; however, the professor states the opposite opinion because it is not easy to reestablish the same living environment since the microclimate is not as dryer as it should be.

Second, the author states the seeds of Torreya should move further north so that the temperature is much cooler. And some scientists believe that Torreya might use to live in higher altitude. Nevertheless, in the listening passage, it provides an example of blacklocus tree, which moved north, as a result, it spreads too quickly that killed other plants. It caused unpredictable consequences to the environment.

Finally, scientists planned to move it from wild to the monitored environment because they can protect and do the research to Torreya. The research can help the survival of species. The listening passage shows that the plants in the research center are not able to resist the disease. Therefore, they might not capable of surviving in the wild societies.

chessman567 5 / 170 11  
Mar 28, 2013   #2
Pretty good overall but here are some grammatical errors:

In this set of materials, the author states that experts are trying to find ways to inhibit the decline of Torreya; however, the professor challenges theTHIS idea in the reading passage.

YOU NEED A LONGER INTRO. ONE SENTENCE FOR YOUR INTRO IS NOT ENOUGH!!! YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, SUCH AS: THIS CAN BE EXEMPLIFIED THROUGH...

First, the reading passage describes the scientists are working in making the microclimate for the plants to sustain their life; however, the professor states the opposite opinion because it is not easy to reestablish the same living environment since the microclimate is not as dryer as it should be.- REVISE IT TO THIS: FIRST, THE PASSAGE DESCRIBES THE SCIENTISTS WHO ARE MAKING THE MICROCLIMATE FOR PLANTS TO SUSTAIN LIFE; HOWEVER, THE PROFESSOR DISAGREES BECAUSE IT IS NOT EASY TO REESTABLISH THE SAME LIVING ENVIRONMENT SINCE THE MICROCLIMATE IS NOT AS DRY AS IT SHOULD BE.

ALSO, YOU NEED A CONCLUSION. YOUR STRUCTURE AND WRITING AND GRAMMAR IS VERY GOOD :), BUT YOU NEED A CONCLUSION TO SUM UP THE WHOLE ESSAY. YOU CAN TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OTHER TOEFEL ESSAYS ON THIS SITE TO SEE.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 28, 2013   #3
In this set of materials,

.... better say;
In the reading passage, ... You may start all integrated writing tasks with this phrase... that would help you manage time. I'd suggest you to stick to one pattern during your practice tests, and follow the same at the exam. That would really help you manage time at the exam.

however, the professor challenges the idea in the reading passage.

However, the professor challenges this idea by citing examples.
I think you've done the necessary thing in the intro. You have briefly tole what the reading passage is about and then how the listening part responds to it. That's what they expect in the intro.

Then you can move on body paras, and talk about each point in detail.

First, the reading passage describes the scientists are working in making the microclimate for the plants to sustain their life; however, the professor states the opposite opinion because it is not easy to reestablish the same living environment since the microclimate is not as dryer as it should be.

.... good
I think you have a good idea about its structure. Good Luck!
OP g2080800 3 / 6  
Apr 7, 2013   #4
Dumi and chessman567,

Thank you for your explicit explanation and recommendation for my essay. I'll try to stick to one pattern when I write the integrated writing, But I have one question for dumi, can I still write "In this set of materials" at the beginning of the writing because this is what my teacher taught. Thank you for your response.


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