Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
Some profesionals say that children are better to learn a foreign language at primary school than secondary school. As far as I am concerned that the benefit in regards to this belief are outweighed its drawback.
It is popularly believe that children should spend more time to exposure nature and to explore new experiences through playing. That is why some people argue that giving their children an education about foreign languages can occasionally cause them stressful. It is proved by a finding from cambridge University that 23% of children who were forced to take an additional course of Spanish languages fell depressed because they had not enough time to play with their peers. Consequently, they did not perform well at class due to loss concentration. Therefore, sometimes participating in a foreign class appears to reduce children's mood that lead into depression.
Although it has an adverse impact for some children, it does not mean that learn another language at begginers is not important. One and the foremost advantage is children can brush up on linguistic skill in their golden age. they can adjust to read, speak, write and listen a foreign language as well as their mother tongue because they have practiced and learned since they were children. For example, a comparison of Indonesian people who started acquiring English language at 5-10 age group are performing better to speak or write than young adults aged 18-22. It is revealed by a researcher from University of Indonesia. As a result, these young adults cannot overcome the problem to speak well in English. Hence, it is inevitably true that practice a foreign language at primary school gives a good point.
In conclusion, although there is a detrimental effect towards some children who feel stressful, I would strongly believe that they are outweighed by the advantage. (303)
Septia, I can notice that you didn't take my previous feedback seriously. I have told you earlier that you need to write an OUTLINE if you want to reach band 6 or above. Even, I gave you an example about how to write a proper outline in this thread https://essayforum.com/writing/teaching-children-home-best-child-74039/ .
It is clear in IELTS public band descriptors
that you need to write an overall progression (outline) if you want to reach band 6 in terms of Coherence and Cohesion. That is why this essay is worth only 5.0 if it is written in an actual test. My suggestion is that you need to read IELTS public band descriptors to help you achieving a better score. However, if your target score is only 5.0, I think it is another story. You can just keep writing like this in the actual test and you will definitely get 5.0 for your writing.