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Some say that because many people are living much longer, the retirement age should be raised

doanhly 1 / 2  
Jun 18, 2022   #1
Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that requirement in the average age of seniors retiring from work ought to be increased due to their long life expectancy. I completely agree with this view that elderly people should spend more time doing their job before retiring.

On the one hand, it will cause a variety of inexorable results to regard in the nation's economy because of the funding which expenditures for healthcare insurance, and pensions. This is because the longevity of inhabitants grows sharply and their requirement for retirement also rises so the government must spend money investing in a large number of aspects such as the construction of the nursing homes or state-of-the-art facilities for the healthcare system. However, adults are also affected due to their money spent on taxes for the nation's budget. For instance, Germany is an ageing population country so they consumed plenty of funding on equipment or support for those retired people.

Moreover, unless rising the average age work, a serious lack of workforce can result from the increase in the retirement of elderly people. If the rate of natural increase plummets whereas the rate of elderly seniors who are retired climbs up, an economic crisis can be caused due to a lack of employment, especially among adults. In Japan, because of their problem with the ageing population resulting in labour shortage and the most efficient solution are to raise the age in work and labour lease from other countries, particularly some developing nations such as Vietnam, Laos.

In conclusion, I believe that raising the average age in work is a compulsory task for almost nations to solute problems related to the ageing population and avoid some catastrophic results from it.

This is the first time I have posted my essay. I am looking forward to your feedback on how I can improve my writing.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,839 4175  
Jun 18, 2022   #2
The writer did an almost excellent job in the prompt restatement and personal opinion. The topic presentation uses enough synonyms to not be mistaken for a cut and paste interpretation. The opinion is properly targeted but iesses out on presenting the 2 reasoning topics as a part of the supporting opinion basis. That is the discussion outline that would have helped set the scoring tone of the discussion.

Another problem is that the writer used a comparative discussion for a single opinion essay. An incorrect response format since the discussion requirement only needs to justify the writer's opinion. Since there was no comparative discussion instruction provided, the discussion should not have been approached in that manner.

The irrelevant discussion paragraph will not be part of the scoring consideration. It will prevent an otherwise well presented opinion from receiving a passing score since the idea development for the supporting view is considered incomplete.Full scores can only be awarded to non-prompt discussion deviant essays.

When half of a 282 worded essay is non- compliant, it risks a failing score due to cohesive discussion considerations based on the prompt discussion instructions. Learn the difference between comparative and single opinion task instructions. Examples may be found at this forum for free.

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