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Scandals can only be solved by a combined effort of all the people of the society - GRE essay


InfernuS 1 / 1 1  
Aug 12, 2014   #1
Prompt :Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could

Response:

The society we live in is full of people with different mindsets and thought processes. Some tend to be principled, others have a penchant for felony. The notorious sometimes take advantage of the loopholes in the society giving rise to immoral, gruesome and illegal behaviour known as a scandal. Because of its nature it gives rise to strong emotions amongst the people.

Surely many of us at some point of time in our lives would have come across the the phrase "Actions speak louder than words" or some variation of it. It is true that we tend to learn by our blunders more efficiently and quickly. Scandals, though detrimental to the society, powerfully impact the thought process of the people to find a permanent way out of it.

The occurrence of a scandal affects a much larger portion of a population, than the reformer, disrupting their peace and normalcy making it tough to find a solution. A very prominent example is of the end of feudalism in Medieval Europe wherein numerous reformers such as Karl Marx, Voltaire, Saint-Simon had presented their theories discouraging the inequality in taxation system, social disparity between the clergy and the commoner, without much success, however it was only after years of poor harvest, rising food prices and inadequate facilities to the 'less priviledged' and The Great Famine, which led the common people to believe that the feudal rule was an infringement of their rights and thus took place a dissent that completely abolished feudalism in France.

The human nature compels us to think of the present day problems, rather than the potential problems which we may face in the future. This tendency of the humans makes them vulnerable to . The 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center convey the same information. Terrorism has been prevalent in Asian countries, though it poses a potential threat to every country in the world the developed countries such as the United States hadn't taken any precautionary measures to tackle it. It was only after an immmense loss of life and property that the government took strict measures to eradicate terrorism globally.

Amidst all the controversy about scandals we should not forget the contribution of the reformers to the society. They are those people who dedicate their whole lives to make people aware of the flaws of the society and ways to tackle it. It is because of the sincere efforts of those people our society is thriving in peace.

Finally, to conclude the response we can say that the scandals definitely focus our attention on problems, but they can only be solved by a combined effort of all the people of the society rather than a leader. Moreover, a reformed attitude is necessary to cope up with the loopholes of the society, and hence arises a need for a reformer who preaches the majority, ethical values and helps them rise from this abyss.

1. Please rate this essay out of 6 along with your comments. Also remark on the organisation of the contents.
2. Additional inputs that may be more substantial are also welcomed.
3. Give in your feedback about the essay.
Regards to all. Thank you!

EF_Sheri - / 27 22  
Aug 13, 2014   #2
Overall, the essay's main point is clear. It needs some attention given to correcting grammar and a few typographical errors (e.g. using "the" twice in a row in the second paragraph). In the 3rd paragraph, you have an excessively long sentence. While it has good points, it should be simplified, which is best done by revising the information into two succinct sentences. In the 4th paragraph, "which" should be "that". You also have an incomplete sentence: "This tendency of the humans makes them vulnerable to ." Avoid starting sentences with "this", "that", or "these". The 5th and 6th paragraphs have some grammar and punctuation errors. I also suggest using a different word in paragraph 6 as "preaches" doesn't elicit the psychological impact/investment you want to attract and retain from your reader.

In its current form, I rate the essay 4 on a scale of 1-6. The theme of the essay is clear but there are areas for strengthening and, as explained, correcting grammar and punctuation errors. :)


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