The scheme informs the circulation of air and how the house loses its heat temperature

Writing Task 1, Unit 5D, Page 35
Air leaks and heat loss in houses
The diagram shows how heat is lost and energy wasted in a house because of air getting into and out of the house.

The scheme informs the circulation of air and how the house loses their heat temperature because of the flow of air. Overall, the air located at near heat source goes out faster while the air located at colder room goes into the house.

It can be seen that the source of heat forces the air to move out from the house, such as fireplace, and lamp. Living room is the warmest area in the house because of the fireplace located at the room. So that the intensity of air leaking into and out of the area is the highest than the other rooms. The fan also contributes to move the air circulation in the room and move out the air such as bathroom fan vent, attic hatch, and kitchen fan vent. Some invisible holes also give the impact as the source of the air leaking to the house such as the hole of door, window, electrical outlet, crawl space, kitchen for vent, and dryer vent.

(165 Words)

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1st paragraph:
- The scheme informs the circulation of airair circulation and how the house loses theirheat temperature is lost from the house because of the flow of airair leaks .

- Overall, it can be seen that / it is noticeable that / the most significant fact to emerge is that(pick one of them) the air that is located at near heat source goes out faster while the air which is located atin colder room goeswafts into the house.

- Where's the third sentence? Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system.

2nd paragraph:
- It can be seen that(this phrase should be in the introduction paragraph(overview))To begin with, the source of heat forces....
- ... because of the fireplace that is located atin the room.
- So thatThus , the intensity of air (...) area is the highest than theamong other rooms.
- The fan also contributes to move the airin making the air circulatecirculation in the room and move out the air such as bathroom fan vent, attic hatch, and kitchen fan vent.(This examples are quite confusing and I think the meaning is not connected with the sentence itself. This can possibly affect coherence and cohesion score.)

There you have it Ivan, I hope you can gain some improvements in the next practices :)

Overall, (you should use "it is reallly importance to notice that or it can be seen that ) the air located at ...