The chart below shows the result of the survey into the causes of poor school attendance in the UK in 2007.
The pie chart below reveals the percentage of reasons why many pupils in the UK did not presence at school in 2007.
The reasons of presence student at school was influenced by the condition of their family and school environment. Working parents was the highest percentage among other reason, at 40%. Then, poor of discipline forces the student for attending school rarely while it was 25%, much lower 15% compare with working parents. The last place was method to growth the children, it gave effect to children's character in school, they was lazy to attend class, it was 5%.
Interestingly, the third position of reasons was friends at school. There were group pressure and bullying team with the same percentage 15%. The total of friend's factor was higher than lack of rule in the school, it became 30%.
On the whole, the reason of working parents is the biggest factor causes of poor attendance to many students at school in the UK.
Well, you miss out one of the most important features for this task which is the Overview in that you tell the reader about main observations or trends. Note that this overview should not contain any details. This is how the structure goes;
3. Details (you can have about two paras for this section while others can be even just one sentence)
Yep, I get your point. Some say that It does not matter to have your overview in the conclusion or the introduction provided that you write an overview in one of these places. But, in my personal view, it is much more presentable if you stick to the structure of Introduction, Overview and Details. I believe that a conclusion for this task is not really necessary because this task does not expect you to write any analysis or opinion. Conclusion is a must for the Task 2.
I would have written:
The pie chart given elucidates information on reasons why British pupils are absent at school in year 2007. Moreover, there is seven expressed reasons for this case, namely: working parents...
1.Don't use % a lot. Try to use about a third (30%), exact one fourth (25%), one out of ten student (10%), an insignificant proportion (5%) and ...
2. Show your examiner that you can entertain your readers by using a variation of words. for example: instead of repeating UK, yo can use Britain, England,United Kingdom, British students & ...
3.A very personal experience: some words and topics iterate over and over in IELTS writing. Such as: students, tutor, home, resident, region, transportation, woods, governments, vehicles, guns, criminal, sports, food, obesity, university and so much more... . My dear friend, if you really want to write an effective essay LEARN AT LEAST THREE SYNONYM for these extremely common words. Thus avoid repeat words.
4.Here are some useful videos that I've used. I strongly recommend you to watch theme
youtube ==> AcademicEnglishHelp ( for general information and beginners)
dcielts. c o m(useful for upgrading your level)
youtube ==> EnglishRyan ( good tips)
youtube ==> EducationWisdom ( most useful for high score)
5.Keep calm and keep going, practice makes perfect ;)
P.S: for numbers under 10, always write words instead of numbers.