Subject was too long to write in the thread title. Here's the requirements, told to write between 350-600 words, although I've gone a bit beyond it, and it's written in casual form.
Subject - Write a story which includes the words 'It was the same bus I got onto every day, but that day, as I sat down, I sensed something was different.'
I woke up in the morning at the usual 7 o'clock alarm and did my usual ritual rolling around the bed fighting myself to either go to school or keep sleeping. This happens every school day, so nothing unusual, yet. I washed my face, put on some clothes and reluctantly went downstairs for breakfast; I ate my breakfast and drank some coffee, to increase the blood supply to my brain, because half of me was still sleeping. Still, I was feeling a bit unusual, like something was telling me I shouldn't go to school, but then again, something always tells me not to go to school! It's like the boy who cried wolf, but it never came, but one day it really came and nobody came to help him. But, little did I know that I was in store for one of the worst days of my life.
My mom kissed me on the forehead, and I said my goodbyes to dad and went outside the house. I take the bus everyday to school. All of us who took the bus were familiar with the daily route, in which we passed a big bank on the way. So the bus came, and I got on, saying the "good morning" to the bus driver and my friends on the seats. The bus driver, Stan was a really jolly guy, making jokes and talking to us about all sorts of crazy stuff when driving. That day, when I got on, I didn't see his smile, he seemed sort of tensed up, and he was sweating, on a perfectly mild day. It was the same bus I got onto every day, but that day, as I sat down, I sensed something was different, but, I didn't make anything of it, and went to my seat and put on my headset and turned the volume up on my IPod. The driver picked up the rest of the students, and started the final route to the school.
The bank we pass by is always busy at this time, since all the staff are coming into work, and many people are getting their morning cash out so the parking space in front of the bank is filled up. I was still listening to my tunes, when suddenly; the bus came to a halt just in front of the bank's main doors, when 3 masked figures with sub machine guns and big travel bags over their shoulders, burst through the doors. Immediately, the people in the streets went into frenzy, and the guys in the bus didn't know what to do. I myself never made a sound, I was just trying to figure out what was happening, when our driver, opened the bus door, with a signal from what I made out was the leader of the gang. They stormed into the bus with the loot, screaming all profanity and aiming the guns at us, and then in a flash I understood that this was an organized crime. Stan, the bus driver must have been paid to pick up the robbers from this spot, and what an ingenious plan, using a school bus as a getaway car, and having ready made hostages in us students, almost Hollywood like.
The bus by now is speeding off, and the people inside are in absolute silence, because we're probably sure that we're going to die if we say or do anything. I was hoping that the people or someone somewhere has noted down the number of the bus, and informed the police. I lost track of time, and every second felt like minutes, and what must have been after 10 minutes, I heard the police sirens, and when I looked back, several cop cars were chasing the bus. The bus, even at full speed is slow compared to the cop cars, so glad fully, they caught up. They also had the whole exit routes from the area blocked with cars and thumbtacks on the street, so basically the robbers had nowhere to go. Few minutes into the chase, I could see the driver reached one of those barricades, with cars blocking the way, and nail strip on the road, and he had nowhere to go, so he burst through the car barricade, but in the process, losing all four of his tires. The bus soon came to a halt, and the police efficiently shoot smoke grenades into the bus and the rescue team charged in and tackled down the robbers in one swift movement.
We were all taken out of the bus, which was a mess, and when they were taking out the driver, I immediately shouted without knowing what would happen, that the driver was a mole, and helped the robbers. The police arrested him without hesitation, and confirmed this from several other students. We were very lucky that the hostage situation didn't last long, but this was all over the local news now, I was thinking if mom or dad saw or knew I was in the bus. Reporters and cameramen came within minutes, I never could figure out how they could come over so fast! This is one of the rare cases where the cops have dealt with a hostage situation without any casualties. But even after this rough ride, we still and to go to school and do our education. But no education happened that day, it was all about who could tell the story best and in this short period of time, everyone changed the thing to different versions, where they took down the robbers, and were the hero of the day!
The bus by now is speeding off, and the people inside are in absolute silence, because we're probably sure that we're going to die if we say or do anything.
You might want to check on the tenses. You used the past tense eg. Kissed, etc... but then you swap into the present tense.
The bus soon came to a halt, and the police efficiently shoot smoke grenades into the bus and the rescue team charged in and tackled down the robbers in one swift movement.
In this sentence you use two tenses. Came-past, shoot-present, charged-past, and tackled-past.
Stan, the bus driver must have been paid to pick up the robbers from this spot, and what an ingenious plan, using a school bus as a getaway car, and having ready made hostages inof us students, almost like Hollywood like .
Here were just a few more corrections from one sentence. The words in red are words I added.
Very interesting story!
This happens every school day, so nothing unusual was happening -- yet.
The bank is always busy at 8:30AM when we pass by, since all...
Okay, this is excellent, and you are very cool. Great story; I'm impressed! One thing is missing, though. In an essay like this, you can double the power by giving a reflective paragraph in which you discuss the insights you gained from the experience. Do that, and it will be complete. However, maybe the teacher is not interested in that for this assignment. Still, in general, when you tell a great story, use it to forward a philosophical point.
