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The school curriculum - sport activities for students?


tinhnguyen 1 / -  
Jan 14, 2019   #1
writing task 2 some people believe that competitive sport, both team and individual. have no place in the school curriculum. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

I have just learned writing for a short time, so it is my pleasure to read comments from you guy thank you so much.

competitive or non-competitive sport at schools



Since many years ago. The physical training has been considered to be a compulsory subject in schools. Some people argue that we should encourage the collective sport and non-competitive sport in school only, competitive sport should not be added into the school curriculum both team or individual.in my point of view, I half agree with this opinion. Particularly, competitive sport should be taught in high school, not in primary school or lower.

This kind of sport is very interesting and beneficial it can lead to many physical improvements and social skill. But competitive sport is not appropriate for students in primary schools or younger, because it can have many potential risks for the students, they can hurt them self or be hurt by others seriously and consciously when they try to overcome each others. Since they do not have the complete body as mature people. Another point is that competitive sports are really able to be addiction and children are too young to avoid that they can be depressed and spend a lot of time for them then not pay enough time for studying.

In high school is a totally different aspect. From High school age, students are old enough to play this kind of sport as a hobby or a normal subject in school with less risk of addiction and studying distraction. They are almost mature to take care of them self and experience some more challenging sport such as soccer, Volleyball or contact sport. Those sports can improve the health of player and attractive enough to make students away from social evil.

Overall, we can decide which sports are suitable to be added to the school curriculum depend on the age of students. By this way, we can make sure the best physical training for each age of childen.bk

Holt - / 7,593 2001  
Jan 15, 2019   #2
Nguyen, good work with the paraphrase and response. Bad work adding the reasoning sentence at the end. Remember, if you cannot fully explain the reason in the paragraph, then don't present it in the paragraph. The opening paragraph is always a paraphrase that does not need the introduction of the reasoning part, unless you are dealing with a direct response essay. All point of view essays do not require the reasoning at the end of the prompt paraphrase paragraph. Next time, save the reasoning for the first of 2 or 3 reasoning paragraphs.

Your grammar mistakes show a lack of familiarity with the English language. "... each other's" indicates a sense of property, but it ends with a period in your presentation, so no property is indicated in the sentence. So it should be "...each other", meaning each person. Be familiar with the capitalization rules. Proper nouns are capitalized. descriptive words such as "high school" are not. The word "but" is also never used to start a sentence due to its nature as a connecting word between two ideas in one sentence. Your second sentence in the second paragraph is a run on sentence. Try to avoid using commas to connect unrelated descriptions in a sentence. One example incident is enough. It helps you avoid GRA errors.

In the concluding paragraph, what did you mean by "bk"? It isn't an American or British English word. You also need to properly summarize the conclusion with a rephrasing of the prompt (2nd version) which will also include a reference to the reasoning paragraphs which create the summarized discussion topics, along with a repeat of your personal opinion, prior to the presentation of your closing sentence. The concluding summary is meant to recap the full discussion and show your heightened English expression abilities a final time.


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