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School, Education, Society - [IELTS Writing task 2]

linhcong 1 / 2  
Feb 12, 2020   #1
Most country use distance-learning programmes (study material, post, TV, the Internet, etc. ) to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring that it cannot bring the same benefits of attending college or university. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Education Without Leaving Home

Nowadays, an increasing number of people are concerned about which study method is the most effective. Some people state that the distance-learning programs can impart knowledge for student by many ways ; others believe that it cannot replaced for the traditional method - which is study at school directly. My view is that even the distance - learning programs is tending to popular, but its benefits cannot overweight than attending school.

First, it is clear that for most subject, learning at school will bring more effects than study at home. For instance, some special subjects such as: Languages, human resource management; which are require interactive activities and team spirit. If student study without guider or partner, they can get mistakes easily and it is hard to recognize it.

Moreover, a school is society in miniature. This is because school not only provide knowledge but also promote student's physical, intellecture and emotional development. Besides it, if student study alone for a long time, they will get the heavy burden of study and lack of sleep and physical exercise. Therefore, it is crucial for student to obtain all-round knowledge and skills from school.

That is not to say that student should not study by distance-learning programs. Therefore, of course, studying at home can save money; besides, with some theoretical subjects like math and geography, student can impart knowledge as effective as study at school. But still, the cons are far greater.

In conclusion, studying at school can bring more benefit for student than studying at home. Meanwhile, we should not ignore some advantages of studying at home.

Please give me score if you don't mind. Thank you so much.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,981 2697  
Feb 12, 2020   #2
It is unfortunate that you misunderstood the discussion requirements for this essay. You mistook the measured response essay for an advantage - disadvantage essay. This can clearly be seen when you compare the two discussion instructions side by side:

OP: To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
YP: My view is that even the distance - learning programs is tending to popular, but its benefits cannot overweight than attending school.

As you can see, the proper response for this essay would have been something like:

I fully agree with this statement and will support this stance by presenting several acceptable reasons.

So the TA score for this essay is somewhere within the 3 bracket. That is because the TA does not properly apply itself to the prompt instructions. You changed the prompt discussion requirements and ended up doing a comparison discussion within the body of the paragraphs. All of which combined to immensely bring down your TA score. As such, it will be difficult for you to reach the passing score of 5 with this kind of work.

As it is, you still failed to properly explain your reasoning sentences within the paragraphs. The lack of proper explanation resulted in what I believe would be an additional score of 3 when it comes to the rest of the scoring requirements. The vocabulary is simple and often adequate for the sentence, but still, the lack of clarity in the discussion paragraph is a problem with your work.

Overall, you really did not do a very good job at addressing the task. I guess this is your first time writing this type of essay. You should look at other examples of this type of discussion that are readily available at this forum. It should help you better understand how to respond to this type of discussion should you come across this type of presentation again.
dxtnnam 2 / 5  
Feb 12, 2020   #3
Your essay pretty lacks explaination :<
OP linhcong 1 / 2  
Feb 12, 2020   #4
@holt @ttxnam Thank you so much for your feedback.

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