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School lunches today - Illustration essay


DDOWNS4 5 / 1  
Feb 24, 2008   #1
Am I going in the right direction with this? This is my illustration rough draft.

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Illustration Essay needs to be turned into formal

How can I turn this around to be a Formal essay? Thank you so much, Deana.

I wrote this and turned it in, and didn't realize that it needed to be formal.

Illustration Essay

Today's School Lunches: A disappointment


School lunches today are not as hearty and delicious as they were in years past. When I was a child school lunches were homemade. Maybe not homemade, but the lunches were prepared at school by the cafeteria workers. Today, the cafeteria workers heat up the already prepared food. Today's food is prepared by means of "nuking" it in the microwave, or heated up in the oven. The article, "Cookin'It up Old School, written by Tom Philpott has a graphic and true description of what school lunches look like today. Philpott says," ...budget constraints mean food must be reheated on site, not cooked from scratch. The State Journal describes the resulting eating ritual: "Students peel plastic from the main dish plate, from the side dish plate, from the "spork" and napkin, and from the straw." Most food today has no specific taste that would clearly distinguish what it truly is. I am assuming that the food has no taste because it was prepackaged then precooked and then heated up again, so that the kids have warm food.

When I was a child the mashed potatoes and turkey dinner were the best. I remember all of my friends and I being so excited when turkey dinner day was approaching. The mashed potatoes were real with lumps and all. The turkey was a real turkey, not fake or processed. That is not the case today. Just last week, I saw that turkey dinner was on the menu for school lunch. I thought "yummy"! I went to school for the infamous "Turkey Dinner." I went to the front desk and signed in. As I was signing my name, I was greeted by a teacher that I know. She asked me if I had brought lunch in. She then started to tell me about the dreadful turkey dinner. She said, "This is not the "Grand Turkey Dinner" that we had as kids." I just laughed at her thoughts and went in to try for myself. The turkey was processed chunks of whitish colored meat. This meat was floating in brownish colored gravy. This gravy tasted like it was mostly water with maybe brown food coloring added in. I still can not come up with a description of the potatoes, but I can tell you that potatoes are not what this white fluffy stuff tasted like. The food tasted horrible, and the portions were scant.

I can remember when I was a young girl in school; I never was hungry at any point throughout the day. The portions were healthy portions. You were given healthy portions of all the food that was offered for lunch. There was more variety in our choices. We had a choice of 2 vegetables and 2 starches. I can remember when chicken nuggets were served, we received 6 nuggets. The nuggets were along the size of the nuggets served at McDonalds. Today, the portions are more of "micro" portions. The portions are extremely small and kids are not satisfied throughout the day. Children today are allowed 4 mini nuggets with a choice of corn or carrots. You can have a mini side salad along with your lunch. That is all good for kids that eat salads. Not all kids are salad eaters, and those kids are the ones that suffer throughout the day. Not only the non-salad eaters but kids that are "picky" with their eating habits. I have one of those kids myself.

I am fully aware that the schools are tying to cut down on obesity. The school is trying to cut the portions to not promote obesity. I just wonder how many kids today are in school and lunch at school is the only source of food that they get. These are the kids that I am worried about. I know when my son gets home from school, he has a snack waiting for him. If he doesn't have much for lunch or some days he says that lunch is nasty and he refuses to eat, he still has food at home waiting for him. I would imagine that there are a few kids that have nothing waiting for them. These are the kids that I want to help.

School lunches today will never be as good as they were when I was a school girl. I think that the school could work a little harder to purchase food that tastes better. I also think that it would not be such a bad idea to let the cafeteria workers go back to fixing homemade food, instead of preparing express food for the students. I also think that larger proportions would be beneficial to those kids that are needy and reside in significantly low income level areas. I feel that school lunch of the past would make a better alternative to the school lunch of today.

______________

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You,
Deana

EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Feb 25, 2008   #2
Greetings!

You've written a good essay! Here are some editing suggestions for you:

The turkey was a real turkey, not fake or processed.

I saw that turkey dinner was on the menu

The food tasted horrible, and the portions were scant.

You were given healthy portions of all the food that was offered for lunch.

I know when my son gets home from school, he has a snack waiting for him.

I would imagine that there are a few kids that have nothing waiting for them.

I think that the school could work a little harder to purchase food that tastes better.

I also think that larger proportions would be beneficial to those kids that are needy and reside in significantly low income level areas.

I feel that school lunch of the past was a better choice for kids today. - If you think about it, from a logical standpoint, this sentence does not really make sense. Better would be "I feel that the school lunch of the past would make a better alternative to the school lunch of today."

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Mar 4, 2008   #3
Greetings!

There are some distinct differences between formal and informal essays. First of all, the viewpoint the author chooses in a formal essay is usually third person. That is to say, you will need to change your essay so that you are not talking about "when I was a girl"; instead, present the information from a more detached viewpoint: "Thirty years ago, school lunches were more nutritious and flavorful." The second difference ties in with your switch from first to third person: content. The content of a formal essay is more likely to be drawn from historical events rather than the author's personal experiences. In the case of your essay, you would probably want to use outside sources, perhaps journal articles on nutrition or education, which support your thesis. You might want to build up the obesity angle, as there is probably quite a bit of information available on that subject. The tone of a formal essay is also noticeably different, objective and unemotional. Avoid slang and contractions.

You'll have to do quite a bit of rewriting, but I hope this will help you!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com


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