Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


TOEFL; School should purchase Books or Computers for the library?


aria8111 3 / 4 2  
Apr 8, 2013   #1
9. Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy -computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation.

I strongly support the idea of buying computers for the school. It's the century of 21 and the day of internet. Thereexist a lot of app's that we can install on our PC's and read a lot of books on-line. I have a lot of reasons that I would give some of the most important of them in this essay.

At first and the important one that I suggest the computers for schools is for internet. By surfing on internet we can go through all the world. We can take advantage of the best online libraries. Our schools library can make e-library and I will useful also for future. Contract by books, files on computers do not need to a lot spaces and keeping them is more easier. Their exist a lot of online lesson's that only by buying computer can teach to students. For these pose reasons I prefer to computers rather than library for our school.

Another reason for supporting my idea, is that nowadays students spend the most of their time by computer. If we would like to teach more to them we can use than new apps. I remember that When I was in high school I learnt my chemistry only by doing it by an app that was produced by a school in the America. In the developing countries that do not exist a lot of equipments in schools, we can learn it by computers.

At last but not at least, my reason that I like our school buy computers rather than books for library is for games that we can do by computers. Maybe you are thinking that all the games are useless for educational. In the last year by a medical company, a game that in it we could learn about how we can learn medicine produced. My brother bought it because he was studying at university in major of medical science. I had been learnt a lot by playing this game and I am enthusiasm for medicine now. I this year in the course of elementary knowledge for medicine also I got the first score in our class. Also when I took part in a competition that was between all the schools in our province also I got the first place in medicine. So I think games that we can play on computers can be useful.

All in all, I suggest that our school buy some computers for a lot of reasons. Easiness in keeping the files on computers, using a lot of e-courses on internet, E-games and any other thing that time do not let me to mention them here.
abhigeorge 6 / 20 2  
Apr 8, 2013   #2
Hi aria, some corrections from my side. I am providing a line by line correction, for overall content correction moderators will have to pitch in.

"It's the century of 21 and the day of internet." .... It is the 21st century and the age of internet.

"Thereexist a lot of app's applications (avoid short forms) that we can install on our PC's and read a lot of books on-line" ...There are a lot of applications which can be installed on our computers to read online e-books.

" I have a lot of reasons that I would give some of the most important of them in this essay." ....There are a lot of reasons however in this essay i will mention a only few.

"At first and the important one that I suggest the computers for schools is for internet"....The most important usage of computers in schools is for the internet.

"By surfing on internet we can go through all the world"...Internet gives us access to a world of information.

"Our schools library can make e-library and I will useful also for future"....Schools can start e-libraries which will last for a long time.

"Contract contrary by books, files on computers do not need to a lot spaces and keeping them is more easier"....Files on computers need much lesser space than real books.

"Their exist a lot of online lesson's that only by buying computer can teach to students.".... There is a lot of material which is available only online.

"For these pose reasons I prefer to computers rather than library for our school."....For these reasons i prefer to have computers rather than a library for our school.

"Another reason for supporting my idea, is that nowadays students spend the most of their time by on computers."

" If we would like to teach more to them we can use than new apps"...New computer applications can be used to teach a variety of subjects.

" I remember that W when I was in high school I learnt my chemistry only by doing it by an app that was produced by a school in the America"...I remember when I was in high school, I learnt my chemistry only by using an application developed by an American school.

"At last but not at least, my reason that I like our school buy computers rather than books for library is for games that we can do by computers."....Last but not the least, computers can also be used to play games.

"Maybe you are thinking that all the games are useless for educational"....Some people think that computer games have no educational benefits.

"In the last year by a medical company, a game that in it we could learn about how we can learn medicine produced"...Last year a medical company released a game which teaches how medicines are produced.

"My brother bought it because he was studying at university in major of medical science"...My brother bought this because he was doing his MBBS.

" I had been learnt a lot by playing this game and I am enthusiasm for medicine now"....I have learnt a lot by playing this game and was encouraged to take up medicine.

" I this year in the course of elementary knowledge for medicine also I got the first score in our class"....I took up an elementary course in medicine this year and stood first in my class.

"Also when I took part in a competition that was between all the schools in our province also I got the first place in medicine."....I also participated in the inter school competition and was the winner in the medicine category. ( moderators would need to further correct this)

"All in all, I suggest that our school buy some computers for a lot of reasons."....As a conclusion i would suggest that our School should invest in computers.

"Easiness in keeping the files on computers, using a lot of e-courses on internet, E-games and any other thing that time do not let me to mention them here."....Saving space by using e-books, having access to online material and computer games among other factors motivate me to say so. ( moderators please correct this sentence as well)
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Apr 8, 2013   #3
I strongly support the idea of buying computers for the school.

... you begin with expressing your opinion. I prefer if you introduced your prompt to the reader before stating your opinion. Otherwise it sounds like a direct answer to a question.

. It's the century of 21 and the dayera of internet.

ThereexistThere exist a lot of app's that we can install on our PC's and read a lot of books on-line.

.... avoid using abbreviations in this type of essays. Everything you write needs to be very comprehensive and show creativeness.

At first and the important one that I suggest the computers for schools is for internet.

.... this is not presented well. This is what I suggest;
First, it is very important for the schools to enable their students access the Internet that is the best media for information.


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL; School should purchase Books or Computers for the library?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳