Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

School teachers are more responsible for social & intellectual development of students than parents

Hirumi 3 / 5 3  
Dec 14, 2019   #1
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

IELTS writing task 2 - argumentative essay

Many argue that school teachers being of the responsibility more than parents developing children's socializing skill since school are capable to provide the social ambiance and environment. Teachers being aided by school could improve intellectual competence of students as well. Obviously, this essay strongly supports the statement of teachers in school as mediators giving effective treatments for students' social and intellectual needs.

Hands-on experiences and power of teachers are believed for inducing social sense of students since teachers are able and experienced on managing needed group activities aiming for building an interactive neighborhood precisely. In addition, teachers also could encourage them getting involved in interacting with their peers in school while preparing and organizing group presentations. Hence, these activities would surely help kids having communicative interaction followed by cooperative, leadership and emphatic abilities in the way they discuss the topic of presentation given. Thus, comparing to parents, school-teaching practitioners are of more capabilities facilitating students' necessity on socializing proficiency.

When it comes to intelligence needs, required with educational qualifications in school are teachers being well-trained in delivering systematic presentation. Accordingly, process of transferring knowledge between teachers and learners will be based on that qualified education. Within this process, an encouragement building critical thinking by discussion, problem solving and observation would occur. Taking reviewing mathematics assignment activity to illustrate, children with counting homework being assessed would be more inclined to acquire math knowledge from math teachers by getting a proper explanation of their incorrect answers. Revising, consulting also understanding stages would come up as the results. Therefore, by conducting these learning approaches, teachers are more experienced and expert rather than parents.

To sum up, young learners could get along with both social and intellectual competence mostly in school with teaches as the facilitators. The recommendation regarding to this would be parents should cooperate and collaborate with educators in school and the institution itself in improving those proficiency for their kids.

Maria - / 1,100 389  
Dec 15, 2019   #2
Welcome here. Here's my feedback on this essay.

Try your best to package the wordings of your essay as concise as possible. If we take a look at the first sentence, for instance, the only thing you were really trying to say is that teachers are often perceived to be the primary caregiver for the child's social development. You didn't really need to extend this more excessively, especially since the writing itself is already clear.

Being consistent with your writing's tenses is also crucial for building how professional the writing will be perceived. Take extra effort into being cautious of this. For example, review the second paragraph as I noticed that you shifted tenses quite often even when it wasn't necessary to do so.
XPROFF 4 / 16 13  
Dec 15, 2019   #3
Thanks for coming to the forum.
I would like to share some feedback on the essay hope it will help.

In fact, you have a well written essay with contents strongly reflects your stance on the topic.
However, some points I hope would improve your arguements.
Firstly, you seems to approach this essay indirectly most times, example in the first line of your introduction, sometimes it can be confusing to the reader. I suggest directly approach using direct sentences to this essay. For example, Teachers are responsible in the development.....many argue that...

Secondly, In the body of your essay include example, facts, your opinion and illustration to futher support your thesis statement, and be specific to the roles/responsibilities school teachers play in developing social and intellectual of learners. Also summarise these points in the conclusion.

Finally, always be careful of spelling,punctuation rules and spacing.

Generally you have a well written essay.
I hope these feedback helps you in your writing.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Dec 15, 2019   #4
Thanks for this essay submission. You need to include the full question(s). The question(s) helps us understand what you are being asked. By doing so, we are easily to measure whether you have covered the task responses or not.

Since you have no question(s) attached, let me focus on grammar instead.

In the introduction, some grammar flaws are seen, like teachers being of the responsibility; school are capable to; students as well; statement of teachers. The errors consist of the subject and verb agreement, inappropriate prepositional phrases, and a sequence word. You need to put more concern on these areas. Make sure you can tackle them for the next essay you have.

You failed to deliver clear messages in the body paragraph 1 and 2. You left more ideas, but you forgot to support them with relevance reasons and fully-developed examples. This essay is a good example of a 5.0 in Coherence and Cohesion as this shows lack of overall progression.

You are not allowed to raise new ideas in the concluding paragraph. Simply restate the thesis statement and leave a relevant personal opinion towards the thesis.

Hope this helps

Home / Writing Feedback / School teachers are more responsible for social & intellectual development of students than parents