Hello everybody. Please give some comments on my essay so that I can know how to improve my writing skill. Any help will be highly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Topic:School violence is one of the social issues these days that is demanding corrective attention every passing day. What do you think? Write about 350 words to discuss and suggest the solutions (and do not include your personal information).
In our modern times, school violence has become an alarming phenomemon that can have a deleterious effect on students. Therefore, urgent action needs to be taken in order to resolve this complicated matter. In my opinion, it is crucial that both parents and teachers should join hands so that the issue can be minimized.
To begin with, it is undeniable that school violence is becoming more and more prevalent in many places nowadays. Through access to the Internet, we can easily find out many pictures and video clips showing students hurting each other. In some cases, they even used dangerous weapons like knives to harm other students. It is reported that many students were severely injured or even killed as a consequence of school violence.
Undoubtedly, school violence can pose a variety of repercussions. First, it may result in the deterioration in students' mental and physical health. Those who are the victims of it often have to suffer great pains, become disabled or even lose their lives. Moreover, it also gives rise to immense sorrow for the victims' parents. Besides, school violence may induce an increase in crime rates, as disruptive students are very likely to offend.
As far as I am concerned, the following solutions can be effective in ameliorating the matter. First, teachers should organize more discussions about school violence in order to raise students' awareness about the problem. Once they know clearly about the adverse influence of it, they may be less likely to resort to violence with other students. In addition, strict regulations should be implemented to punish those who behave violently. Second, parents should be more supporive of their children. Students sometimes cannot make right decisions and eventually behave wrongly because they are not mature enough. Therefore, parents should spend more time trying to understand their children better and assisting them to surmount their difficulties.
In conclusion, school violence is in itself a very complex issue having many negative effects, and therefore needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. I firmly believe that parents and teachers play a key role in resolving this intricate problem.
In our modern times, school violence has become an alarming
phenomemonphenomenon that can have a
deleteriousdangerous effect
s on students.
In my opinion, it is crucial that both parents and teachers should join hands so that the issue can be minimized.
.... well, not just parents and teachers , but the authorities too... I think authorities too has a bigger role to play by introducing laws to control usage of dangerous arms.
To begin with, it is undeniable that school violence is becoming more and more prevalent in many places nowadays.
This you already said in the introduction and therefore no reason to repeat in the body paragraph. Start the para with your reasons.
it is crucial that
You can omit this part.
so that the issue can be minimized.
to tackle the issue.
it is undeniable that school violence is becoming more and more prevalent in many places nowadays
violence has become more often in many schools.
is in itself a very complex issue having many negative effects
is a complex issue that causes many negative effects.
