Fareed, you need to divide the essay into paragraphs. One reason for every paragraph. Right now the essay is quite tight and confusing to read because the thoughts are strung together without any gaps to indicate when to expect a new thought or reasoning process. So you need to simply divide the essay by reason at this point. That said, I will now try to help you address the grammar problems of your paper.
All educational institutionshave got an aim to prepare their students to be a professional individual of the societyand serve for its communityin a best way . Educational institutions should play an active role to inspire their students to choose a field of study which will prepare them to gain a profitable profession . However, I don't believe that educational should do so for three reasons.
- This is your first paragraph, your introduction.- ... to be a professional in the service of his community.,, role
in inspiring ... prepare them
for a financially stable future .
First, each young man or woman has a great passion and enthusiasm for a field that they are willing to study regardless of its income
- You should immediately merge this sentence with this paragraph to create the body of your essay: Then develop the statement further to give it a more solid basis.
some of us grow a passion for a field inside us that we strive to study that field of study and become a professional of that field since our childhood, others take a person as role model and set a goal to study at the same field. For example: In my childhood I wanted to be a teacher to teach the youth of my nation and when I grow up I followed my dream, but my cousin wanted to become a doctor whose father was a doctor. There're some dreams that each of us are willing to realize them, we would never give up to reach those goals, no matter how much or how less profitable is that our field. Besides, some people enjoy their job, despite their profession brings them not enough income such as an artist who is in love with his work and cannot sell his paintings doesn't give up his trade, because he's happy with it. It means our field love brings us a happiness which is priceless.
The immediately merge and develop the following two paragraphs for your second paragraph. Don't forget to develop the evidence to support it:
Second, every trade is not relevant or suitable for everybody.
some people enjoy their job, despite their profession brings them not enough income such as an artist who is in love with his work and cannot sell his paintings doesn't give up his trade, because he's happy with it. It means our field love brings us a happiness which is priceless.
The following will then be your final paragraph body, offer evident to support this as well:
. Third, encouraging students to choose a field of study which make them a lucrative career owner decrease a reputation of the educational institution.
Besides, inspiring students to choose a major to prepare them to have profitable career, may decrease reputation of the educational institution. Every society needs a teacher, carpenter, welder, but they unprofitable jobs. People who love his field will not apply this university or college and consequently their reputation will abate. The following example is the best illustration for this case. In Azerbaijan Baku State University encouraged its students to apply for Master of Law and eventually student number increased incredibly, so it decreased both the reputation of the educational institution and lucrativeness of this occupation.
Then finally, present your point of view, which is currently missing in the essay. Top it off with an effective conclusion that effectively presents the prompt again, gives an overview of the reasons supporting your stand, and finally, your personal opinion again.
We will of course work with you towards polishing the essay the minute the format is finalized. Your content and theme is already good. We can work together to make it even better :)
