Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Schools should focus on teaching students academic subjects but sports and music are also necessary


anneng0703 1 / -  
Jan 22, 2022   #1
Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Decent education undoubtedly acts as a precursor to successful careers later on. Therefore, which subjects should be incorporated into school's curricula is a controversial topic. While some people believe that schools should focus on core subjects, others say that music and sports are also indispensable. I agree with the latter view.

On the one hand, academic subjects are already a must part of the timetable of all schools. Students need to learn those courses in order to have good grades to pass the university entrance exam, which is a crucial milestone in almost every students's life. It could be said that the foremost goal of people who attend school is to have a good occupation with a handsome pay after they finish. To this end, the curriculum should mostly comprise core subjects like math, science and language, as the performance of these subjects is placed heavy emphasis by universities and employers. Those compulsory disciplines are the main factor for students to get their qualifications - which are pivotal because just as clothing is to first impressions. Recruiters tend to check that piece of paper before looking at an individual's experiences. Therefore, it seems understandable that schools should underline such subjects in the curriculum.

On the other hand, subjects like sports and music cannot be completely ignored. Today, firms attach great importance to not only expertise and qualifications of applicants but also their soft skills. These skills are considered better cultivated in experiences like playing music or competing in team sports than in academic lessons. Plus, a qualification somehow does not signal whether a person possesses personal traits, indicate in any way how a person will function in the real world. Moreover, schools may have chances to explore students's untapped potential. For example, many high schools in Hanoi have organized some sport and art activities, or field trips to certain places such as exhibitions or stadiums and encouraged students to engage in, which helps them develop creativity, and collaborative skills. By teaching those subjects like sports and music, students could become a well-rounded individuals, thus, they will be more confident and active. Therefore, students may find it easier to adapt to professional work environment in the future.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that academic subjects should be given precedence to in schools, but it is also important that students should be taught other courses like sports or music.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,413 4391  
Jan 22, 2022   #2
Decent education undoubtedly acts as a precursor to successful careers later on

The personal opinion of the writer should not be discussed in the first paragraph and is not considered to be a part of the prompt restatement + personal opinion. This particular restatement paragraph covers, at the most, only 3 sentences, without the unnecessary statement at the start. Any representations that are not part of the original statement or response question representation will result in points deductions for the writer. Stick to the original prompt and respond the the question being asked in the first paragraph.

The writer has provided a strong 2 paragraph reasoning presentation based solely on a personal opinion. So the essay will be scored as having responded to only 1 of the 3 prompt instructions. When asked to discuss both views, the paragraphs must compare and contrast the public opinion with the writer's point of view in relation to the public reasoning. This is not what was represented in this essay due to the missing use of third and first person pronouns. So the essay cannot be scored beyond a first person general opinion basis. It is lacking in correct discussion representation.


Home / Writing Feedback / Schools should focus on teaching students academic subjects but sports and music are also necessary