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TASK-2: schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through WWW


sfiza 17 / 28  
Nov 23, 2017   #1
please evaluate my essay.

It will be grateful if you give separate band for each criteria. like TR, CC, LR, and Crammer.

In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through the internet that they can just as well study at home. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

schools are obsolete?



Now-a-days, the internet is the key source of information. Even the source has been using in education. This trend comes up with a concern that there is no use for educational institutions because people would educate them by online learning at home. In this essay, I will present my disagreement along with rational reasons with this concern.

Skilled trainers can effortlessly be found in any learning institutions. They are not only responsible for teaching, but also motivating, encouraging, and monitoring their pupils through interesting learning styles. To illustrate, trainer's watchful eyes are able to examine learners' activities in order to nurture. In addition, the environments of schools are a key factor in order to develop students' communication skills, interpersonal skills, and other skills by assigning variety of projects within time-frame. Such experiences from schools ensure the comprehensive development of learners.

Moreover, the professional trainers provide lectures related to practical and theoretical ideas. For example, trainers mostly share their own experience regarding workplaces that learners are going to face in the future, whereas online learners may not get these experiences. Nonetheless, web pages is becoming predominant sources of data, even school professors also use the sources. It is evident that the source is not able to guide people in effective and efficient way to be developed.

To be concluded, although, vast information come from web sites, professional know the best way how teach to student in real sense. In my opinion, school training has significant influences on pupils that are inevitable rather than online programs. In this regard I am not convenient that the internet will replace the schools in terms of the quality of education.

Thanks.
Codex1717 7 / 17  
Nov 23, 2017   #2
Instead of "To be concluded..."
You could write " in conclusion, although the internet is a vast source of information "
trandangkhoa 1 / 3  
Nov 23, 2017   #3
In your conclusion part, i suggest you should replace "how teach to student" into "how to teach students", and "i am not convenient that" into " i am not in flavour of"
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,584 3758  
Nov 23, 2017   #4
fiZa, here is the scoring breakdown:

TA - 4, your opening paraphrase and body of paragraphs are only partially appropriate in response to the prompt. The original instruction is for you to discuss only one point of view using an "emotional" stance in the discussion. Instead you responded with only a basic disagreement, which is not the requirement of the prompt.

C&C - 5, whole you present a series of plausible discussion points, you do not present a coherently developed explanation because you are not attempting to develop one reason per paragraph as is required for a beneficial score.

LR - 5 - Your vocabulary is adequate for a beginner. You must work hard towards achieving the proper intermediate level so that you can increase your scoring consideration for this section.

GRA- 5 - You need to develop your ability to create more complex sentences. This is best accomplished by focusing on developing only one explanation per paragraph. The C&C and GRA scores go hand in hand so the better you develop the paragraph, the higher your score.


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