Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 9

[IELTS] schools are no longer needed?


lyao1690 2 / 1  
Aug 30, 2012   #1
Schools are no longer necessary, because children can get so much information available through Internet, and they can study just as well at home. What extent do you agree or disagree?

In this highly information-oriented society, a considerable number of people have gained access to education through Internet. Thus some people argue that schools are not needed and students can just study at home in this way. As far as I am concerned, despite all the merits of online learning, schools are always indispensable.

Undeniably, online learning is a positive development. It has to be admitted that it is both convenient and economical for children to learn on the Web. They can take free courses on the Internet without leaving our homes and can stop at any time they want. Nevertheless, since we are able to get education and entertain ourselves at home, the line between study and play may be blurred. I doubt if the efficiency of learning at home via Internet can be ensured.

However, schools have their unique and irreplaceable functions including ensure better learning efficiency. It is easy to understand that under the supervisory of the teachers, students are more likely to master learning materials. Furthermore, a school is not only a place for students to study, but also a place to get along with others including their teachers and classmates, through whom there is a lot to be learned.

While learning in school does possess many advantages, it is also a fact that we will have to go to school everyday and thus we will have to spend a lot of time traveling to and from schools, suffering from traffic jams and all the other kinds of inconveniences. By contrast, we wouldn't be bothered by this through Internet.

On way of conclusion, I argue that both the traditional schools and online learning have their unique characteristics and cannot be replaced by each other. Thereby a combination of these two approaches of learning is the best policy.

I have already taken IELTS and got band 6.5 for writing. I hope to get higher scores. I will appreciate all your help.

charrmaine 3 / 5  
Aug 30, 2012   #2
number of people have gained access to education vs.gain access

They can take free courses on the Internet without leaving our homes and can stop at any time they want. Nevertheless, since we are able to get education and entertain ourselves at home, the line between study and play may be blurred. I doubt if the efficiency of learning at home via Internet can be ensured.

Avoid 1st and 2nd person pronouns like we,us,our,you,your, for general usage write they,their

I think the fourth para is related with the second para, try to add it there and develop the third para more,
I think the agree or disagree question is an opinion based question, you need to choose a stronger side as what you have written in your intro.

I - intro
II- internet - weaker
III- school- stronger
IV- conclusion ...with strong argument
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 30, 2012   #3
In this highly information-oriented society, a considerable number ofmany people have gained access to education through Internet.

Thus some people argue that schools are not needed and students can just study at home in this wayusing on-line access to meet their study objectives. As far as I am concerned, despite all the merits of online learning, schools are always indispensable.

A good introduction. :)

It has to be admitted that it is both convenient and economical for children to learn on the Web.

In the previous sentence you said that we cannot deny the merits of online learning. So this sentence sounds a bit repetitive when you again stress the fact of we have to admit and so on... Say this differently;

By accessing Web students can find more convenient, efficient and economical solutions for their educational needs.
amitt - / 80  
Aug 30, 2012   #4
I am asking to Dumi & other contributors is it possible to state like this,that in the end layao1690 concluded in between that both are necessary

"On way of conclusion, I argue that both the traditional schools and online learning have their unique characteristics and cannot be replaced by each other. Thereby a combination of these two approaches of learning is the best policy."

In IELTS exams these type of statements will work? Please, clear me
Regards
AS
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 30, 2012   #5
I am asking to Dumi & other contributors is it possible to state like this,that in the end layao1690 concluded in between that both are necessary

In my view, and the inferences I recieved from various sources that dealt with TOEFL and IELTS writing, I feel this is fine and the writer can take a moderate stance on the debated theme. However the marks are given on the structure, logical reasons and how they are supported. Therefore, whatever the opinion the writer holds, he should mention it in the introduction. In this essay, layao1690 states,

As far as I am concerned, despite all the merits of online learning, schools are always indispensable.

This statement makes the reader believe that schools are favored over online learning. However, he comes out with a different conclusion by saying a combination of both works better. In that case he should have stated in the introduction itself aligning reader's mindset with that direction.
amitt - / 80  
Aug 30, 2012   #6
Thanks dumi let us take one side either pros or cons to give a good impact with lot of logical reasonings/examples
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 30, 2012   #7
Yes Amit... that provides an easy approach.
But you can also take a moderate stance and dedicate the first para for reason +example of one side of the argument. The second para for the reason+example of the other side of the argument. In the conclusion you can sum up and give a moderate conclusion. ...:)

See.... in this world, there's nothing impossible :D ....lol
amitt - / 80  
Aug 30, 2012   #8
I agree Dumi but we must follow trend. We can't do experiment in IELTS, as one exam cost around 160 USD.
Thanks
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 30, 2012   #9
...Yes.... that's a lot of money for people in our part of the world... I agree dear :D


Home / Writing Feedback / [IELTS] schools are no longer needed?