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Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private


linhkhanh99 1 / -  
May 19, 2020   #1
Topic : Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies.

Do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays, the question of whether governments should control scientific research or private companies has been receiving a great deal of public attention. While there are some arguments in favor of scientific research by corporations, I agree with the view that this should be funded by the state.

There are many certain reasons why the state should manage scientific research. First, if scientific projects are funded and managed by private organizations, they can carry out illegal projects, especially in medical fields. For example, thalidomide, developed by the German drug company, led to the death of approximately 2000 children and serious birth defects in more than 10000 children, which leads to a serious threat to society. Second, by providing financial support for clinical trials, many pharmaceutical companies always want these projects to bring benefits for them. This means that many pharmaceutical products are advertising excessively, which leads to consumer's misunderstanding.

There are many other reasons for this problem. First, when private companies can carry out or take part in many other scientific projects in various fields, they will not have enough experience and manpower to response to it. This means that they can publish untrustworthy results, which leads to many people do not trust scientific projects when private sources are involved. Second, by considering all the people's demands now and in the future, governments can choose the most critical research areas.For example, climate change or renewable energy, which is very important for human life.

In conclusion, I agree strongly with the view that governments should take responsibility for scientific projects.

I'm learning how to write Ielts essay and all your comments are welcome. Thank you so much!

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,517 2959  
May 20, 2020   #2
In the restatement, your first sentence is marred by lack of clarity in the presentation. I am not sure what you mean by:

Nowadays, the question of whether governments should control scientific research or private companies has been receiving a great deal of public attention.

Actually, is sounds like a bad cut and paste of the original prompt. A clearer presentation would have been:

There has been an ongoing discussion regarding where the money for scientific research should come from. Should experimental explorations be financed by the political powers or civilian financing? I agree that state financing would be more beneficial in the long run. I have specific reasons for supporting government financing of science based research.

Make sure that your opening paragraph will always indicate:
- A clear restatement of the prompt. Do not use the same keywords from the original prompt.
- A response to the given question (agree or disagree)
- A reference to your discussion outline

You need to be clear in your restatement because that is what will tell the reviewer about what sort of English comprehension and explanation skills you have. Lack of clarity means you cannot express yourself properly in English to a native speaker.

The reasoning for the discussion should come form personal opinion or public knowledge. The reference to thalidomide babies would have been acceptable if it did not sound so much like researched information. A reference to a personal experience with the results of the drug use would have made the explanation less researched and more personal (My uncle is a thalidomide baby. He became that way, I was told, because of privately funded research...) See? The mere insertion of a personal example made the research less research sounding and more personal. It aligns better with the information requirements of the essay. By the way, don't use research when writing the practice tests. Whether you use CBT or the pencil test, you won't have access to the internet on exam day.

Both of your paragraphs lack a clear explanation for the topic sentences. That is because you are not able to properly explain yourself in English yet. You are also targeting only the presentation of information rather than the explanation of the information. You are not being scored on the amount of information you know. You are scored on how well you can explain and support your topic sentence. For starters, use only one topic sentence per reasoning paragraph. That way you can focus on the clear explanation that you have to deliver for your supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion should have 3-5 sentences. While you were correct to restate your support for the topic, you missed out on presenting:
- A restatement of the discussion topic
- The presentation of your 2 reasoning topics

Your opinion should have been the last sentence of the concluding summary.

Good effort but you need to focus less on topics and more on explaining the relevant, singular topic in the essay. Start with the basics, don't overreach with your writing. You are not an advanced writer yet. Just keep the topics and discussion reasons simple for now. You will slowly become an advanced writer.
Namangarg147 1 / 4  
May 21, 2020   #3
Your essay is not so clear.
I think you need to use Firstly, secondly instead of First, Second.


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