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Should secondary students learn international news as one of their subjects

Shaha1511 1 / 1  
May 14, 2019   #1

Overall understanding about the world by young students

Please help me suggest an approximately band for this essay. thank you ^^

Some people think secondary school students should learn international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.

It is believed that secondary students should be exposed to international news as an official subject. However, I hold my contrary opinion on this matter because of some reasons.

Students in secondary school are too young to have a deep and clear understanding about the world. In addition, news about the world always change day by day so we are not able to update information immediately. It would be viewed as a waste of time. Students could not learn about a ton of diverse information and they must spend more time in important subjects such as Maths, English, Literature.. so on. Another thing that the violence portrayed in many of today's news stories could affect student's conduct.

On the other hand, we can not refuse some advantages that international news bring us. These definitely improve our general knowledge. The news coming from all over the world presents significant details about different regions. Therefore, students can enrich their experience and broaden their horizon. Maybe, it also helps them develop ability to analyse sophisticated situations.

I believe that students will have a general view of the world by many different ways, they can find out on the Internet or TV that have amount of useful information. School takes a responsibility in guiding students how to use the media in the best way to gain a better understanding of the world instead of adding international news as compulsory subject in the curriculum of secondary school

Maria - / 1,100 389  
May 14, 2019   #2
Try to be cautious of the forms of verbs/words that you are using. Consistency is crucial in academic writing. In relation to this, always try to stick to a certain tone when you are writing. Having an academic/informative tone is important.

When you're writing within a word count, I always recommend being more concise with your words. Doing this will help you trim your word count.

Let's revise a couple parts of your essay accordingly.

Secondary students are proposed to have exposure to international news. I have reservations regarding this due to some reasons.

Students in this level are too young to have a deep and clear understanding about the world. [...]

I recommend changing the arguments following this portion. It is insufficient for you to say that lack of access to up-to-date information would be a reason to have this as a subject matter. Instead, focus more on how this age is a pivotal moment for them to learn more fundamental subjects.

Keep these in mind as you are writing. Best of luck!

Not giving out a specific band, but I believe you're heading towards the right direction. Just keep writing.
stayhungry 1 / 2 1  
May 15, 2019   #3
I find some grammar errors.
1. news about the world always changes day ---
2. .. so on --> ,etc.
3. takes a responsibility in for

Best of luck!
Brenna Vo 2 / 3 1  
May 15, 2019   #4
hi @shaha1511
we should note some grammar structures like spend time doing sth/on sth, and it would be better to use Perhaps instead of maybe in Writing, I think.
OP Shaha1511 1 / 1  
May 15, 2019   #5
thank you very much for your strong support. I will keep practising and trying my best

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