[TOEFL] Secure job or satisfying job ? Which option would you take?

Do you agree or dis agree with the following statement.
If people have opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away, rather than wait for for the job that would be more satisfying.

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Unemployment is a serious problem in almost all the developing countries,while it does not seem to be a problem in most developed countries, such as Germany and US. There are some unemployed people in those countries too; maybe they do not have professional expertiseor they just cannot find a job appropriate for themselves. Factors such as economic climate and the person's living circumstances, responsibilities and skills effect a person's decisions in choosing a satisfying job or just a job to earn money. Living in IRAN, I always prefer to have a secure jub, different people have different ideas.

The economic situation of the country is the prominent factor effecting people's preferences in choosing occupation. In my country, IRAN, the poor economic situation forces most industries to lay-off or even closure. Increased number of unemployed people and unstable economic situation compel the people to concentrate on finding a job that meet their expenses.

Skilled and well-educated people look for the jobs that fit their specialty. What about the other group of people? Think of a worker; maybe he does not enjoy washing the dishes at the restaurant, but there is not any other option for him, because he is not an expert or educated man. Or a newly graduated engineer has fewer job offers than an experienced engineer. So the more you are skilled and experienced, the more job opportunities you have.

Also sometimes living circumstances would force people to choose a career which they do not wish for it. Sometimes life force you to walk in a way that you do not prefer to, the thing that happened for my father. When he finished his under graduate studies at university and became a geologist, he dreamed of continuing his education and being a university professor. He wanted to devote the rest of his life to scientific researches. But he was father of 2 children; his responsibilities of fatherhood overweight his desire to find a satisfying job.

In conclusion many people do not choose their desired job because of living circumstances. People holding the opposite side may argue that in this case people would not enjoy their lives. Experiencing the same conflict, my father always says sometimes you are forced to do something without willing to do it, in this case try to take it easy and enjoy your new situation; it is the only way to live happily.

This is good. I like it if you kept it more general as your prompt suggests. Don't narrow down the scope of your prompt. However, this is your hook and it is done well :)


expertise


This part is the section that you need to discuss the background of the issue. It is not written well. You need to introduce the argument and show why it is necessary to discuss. For example;

In this background, some people feel that if one gets a secured job, he or she should grab it quickly without waiting for another job opportunity which may be more satisfying. However, there are others who do not agree with this view. .... this is it!,the background!


... this is again not a very satisfactory sentence to conclude your introduction. Finish your intro with a firm statement that states your opinion;
My personal view is that if someone is offered a secured job, he or she should take it right away.

.... the right word is affecting , not effecting;
Affect means have an effect on; make a difference to: e.g. "the dampness began to affect my health".
"The effects of dampness on my health is very damaging"


you lay off employees and close down business. So this sentence needs a small rectification;
In my country, Iran, the poor economic situation forces many industries to opt for laying off employees and even considering the closure of business.